1
00:00:36,436 --> 00:00:39,738
The pleasure gardens
of Milliarcha V

2
00:00:39,740 --> 00:00:43,776
made it the Jewel of the inner
rim for over five centuries.

3
00:00:43,778 --> 00:00:49,048
It took nearly 48 hours
for everything to change.

4
00:00:49,050 --> 00:00:54,153
A great alien evil had enslaved
the once peaceful planet.

5
00:00:54,155 --> 00:00:59,324
For the high council,
there was only one option.

6
00:00:59,326 --> 00:01:02,828
Vanguard, the infamous
mercenary was dispatched

7
00:01:02,830 --> 00:01:05,297
to face the entity responsible,

8
00:01:05,299 --> 00:01:08,267
the Kragon, the Duke of Raggidi,

9
00:01:08,269 --> 00:01:10,469
the butcher of Barsa,

10
00:01:10,471 --> 00:01:13,705
destroyer of worlds.

11
00:01:13,707 --> 00:01:16,375
Vanguard's orders were simple.

12
00:01:16,377 --> 00:01:17,676
Eliminate.

13
00:01:43,269 --> 00:01:44,837
Time for school.

14
00:01:46,706 --> 00:01:48,373
I know.

15
00:02:02,155 --> 00:02:07,493
He crashed hard. Vanguard nearly
broke the slave girl's fall.

16
00:02:07,495 --> 00:02:11,263
She was straddling him now.
Face to face.

17
00:02:32,685 --> 00:02:35,721
Seems I didn't leave
this world early enough.

18
00:02:47,167 --> 00:02:51,570
The air is still breathable.
Just the same.

19
00:02:57,710 --> 00:02:59,344
Neither gained much ground.

20
00:02:59,346 --> 00:03:01,513
They were almost evenly matched.

21
00:03:01,515 --> 00:03:04,249
We are almost evenly matched.

22
00:03:04,251 --> 00:03:05,817
Almost?

23
00:03:14,195 --> 00:03:17,629
I was weaned on the psychedelic
gasses of Raggidi prime.

24
00:03:17,631 --> 00:03:22,534
I see their effect
on humans is not unusual.

25
00:03:22,536 --> 00:03:24,403
It would be a shame to waste

26
00:03:24,405 --> 00:03:26,605
so worthy an adversary.

27
00:03:30,443 --> 00:03:35,347
The Raggidi also find the gas
to have a pleasing effect.

28
00:03:39,919 --> 00:03:44,289
Vanguard peered into
the evil lord's eyes,

29
00:03:44,291 --> 00:03:46,925
then back to the slave girl.

30
00:03:46,927 --> 00:03:49,494
Then those eyes.

31
00:03:49,496 --> 00:03:51,897
Then the girl.

32
00:03:51,899 --> 00:03:54,533
Then the eyes.
And then the girl.

33
00:03:54,535 --> 00:03:56,568
Then the...

34
00:04:06,246 --> 00:04:07,913
It all happened so fast.

35
00:04:07,915 --> 00:04:10,949
A flash of bodies, limbs, flesh

36
00:04:10,951 --> 00:04:12,417
pressing together.

37
00:04:12,419 --> 00:04:14,353
Their hunger knew no bounds.

38
00:04:14,355 --> 00:04:16,421
Suddenly all the atrocities,

39
00:04:16,423 --> 00:04:18,357
the murderous tyrant
had ever committed

40
00:04:18,359 --> 00:04:21,326
were nothing more
than an afterthought.

41
00:04:38,044 --> 00:04:43,015
Lust was the only thing
on vanguard's mind.

42
00:04:43,017 --> 00:04:45,917
Lust was all that mattered now.

43
00:04:45,919 --> 00:04:48,587
- A toast.

44
00:04:48,589 --> 00:04:50,555
It's my good fortune

45
00:04:50,557 --> 00:04:52,858
to have a good fortune.

46
00:04:55,429 --> 00:04:57,429
And I bring it all to you,

47
00:04:57,431 --> 00:05:01,600
most honorable heads of houses,
Prentiss and Hollycotton.

48
00:05:01,602 --> 00:05:05,671
And of course, your highly
eligible daughters,

49
00:05:05,673 --> 00:05:07,906
one of whom I soon
intend to wed.

50
00:05:10,477 --> 00:05:12,311
- He knew it was wrong.
- -Cheers.

51
00:05:12,313 --> 00:05:15,781
But why did it feel so right?

52
00:05:15,783 --> 00:05:19,318
In the throes of passion,
vanguard was quickly reminded

53
00:05:19,320 --> 00:05:24,823
of the debacle
at the high council.

54
00:05:24,825 --> 00:05:30,362
And with it,
his previous conquest.

55
00:05:30,364 --> 00:05:31,697
- What's that?
- Nothing.

56
00:05:31,699 --> 00:05:34,633
If it's nothing,
why do you care?

57
00:05:34,635 --> 00:05:35,967
It wouldn't even make sense.

58
00:05:35,969 --> 00:05:37,602
Really? Are you saying I'm dumb?

59
00:05:37,604 --> 00:05:39,604
No, there's just...
There's no context.

60
00:05:39,606 --> 00:05:42,407
Neil, is that a diary?

61
00:05:42,409 --> 00:05:44,710
I don't know.
Neil won't let me see it.

62
00:05:44,712 --> 00:05:47,946
- Let me see that.
- Hey!

63
00:05:47,948 --> 00:05:50,582
Senator Zaxa
approached vanguard,

64
00:05:50,584 --> 00:05:54,419
his eyes set on the soldier
of fortune's engorged...

65
00:05:54,421 --> 00:05:55,554
Pelvic region?

66
00:05:55,556 --> 00:05:58,924
Mother of fuck!

67
00:05:58,926 --> 00:06:00,058
We should burn it.

68
00:06:00,060 --> 00:06:02,627
We don't burn books, Jessie.

69
00:06:06,733 --> 00:06:10,001
Fucking disgusting.

70
00:06:10,003 --> 00:06:15,407
Many taxonomic groups don't
actually have separate sexes,

71
00:06:15,409 --> 00:06:19,611
so hermaphroditism
is a normal thing.

72
00:06:19,613 --> 00:06:23,548
Now what Edward is handing out

73
00:06:23,550 --> 00:06:27,519
represents the sequential
hermaphrodite.

74
00:06:27,521 --> 00:06:30,021
In this case, the slipper snail.

75
00:06:30,023 --> 00:06:32,557
It begins its life as a male.

76
00:06:32,559 --> 00:06:35,727
But if the female
population dwindles,

77
00:06:35,729 --> 00:06:38,497
then the largest
male in the group

78
00:06:38,499 --> 00:06:43,135
will spontaneously
switch genders.

79
00:06:43,137 --> 00:06:45,837
I will pull your face off.

80
00:06:45,839 --> 00:06:50,509
Oh, I'm shaking.

81
00:06:50,511 --> 00:06:52,878
All right.
Stand.

82
00:07:00,820 --> 00:07:02,454
- You wrote this?
- Fuck no.

83
00:07:03,690 --> 00:07:05,991
Julia, out.

84
00:07:08,161 --> 00:07:09,861
Now.

85
00:07:12,565 --> 00:07:17,102
Okay, who's the budding
d.H. Lawrence here?

86
00:07:17,104 --> 00:07:19,171
Mr. Shafer.

87
00:07:19,173 --> 00:07:21,540
Let's chat after class.

88
00:08:04,217 --> 00:08:05,884
Where's mom?

89
00:08:05,886 --> 00:08:10,856
She's at her book club thingy.

90
00:08:10,858 --> 00:08:12,791
What book are they reading?

91
00:08:12,793 --> 00:08:14,826
- What? -At mom's book
club, what book?

92
00:08:14,828 --> 00:08:16,661
Are you autistic?
Who cares?

93
00:08:16,663 --> 00:08:18,663
Dad doesn't want to think
about her stupid book club.

94
00:08:18,665 --> 00:08:20,832
- She's exploring interests.
- Fuck that.

95
00:08:20,834 --> 00:08:22,834
Maybe she's with an attorney.

96
00:08:22,836 --> 00:08:24,669
Your mother is not
with an attorney.

97
00:08:24,671 --> 00:08:27,105
We're just figuring
stuff out, okay?

98
00:08:27,107 --> 00:08:29,774
- Like how to get divorced?
- -Uh!

99
00:08:29,776 --> 00:08:31,176
What do you even know
about divorce

100
00:08:31,178 --> 00:08:34,212
in the first place?

101
00:08:34,214 --> 00:08:36,047
You wanna start some shit?

102
00:08:36,049 --> 00:08:39,150
- Whoa, what is that?
- Neil got caught with porno

103
00:08:39,152 --> 00:08:41,186
and now he has
to see a counselor.

104
00:08:41,188 --> 00:08:42,854
Porno?
Like porno porno?

105
00:08:42,856 --> 00:08:44,656
I didn't have porno, idiot.

106
00:08:44,658 --> 00:08:45,857
Really?

107
00:08:45,859 --> 00:08:47,993
Because, oh,
it says right here...

108
00:08:47,995 --> 00:08:49,661
Lemme... lemme see that.

109
00:08:55,301 --> 00:08:57,002
Oh, Jesus.

110
00:08:57,004 --> 00:08:59,137
I knew it was a bad idea
to go there alone.

111
00:08:59,139 --> 00:09:02,741
But my tire was low,
and I couldn't make it back.

112
00:09:02,743 --> 00:09:05,777
The gas station was closed
and the lights were off,

113
00:09:05,779 --> 00:09:09,247
but the air compressor
still took my change.

114
00:09:09,249 --> 00:09:12,984
As I pumped new life
into the flaccid tire,

115
00:09:12,986 --> 00:09:15,186
I heard a voice behind me.

116
00:09:15,188 --> 00:09:19,791
He was older, probably in his
40s, by the sound of him.

117
00:09:19,793 --> 00:09:22,093
But I didn't dare
turn around to check.

118
00:09:22,095 --> 00:09:25,330
He pressed the pistol hard
against my lower back.

119
00:09:25,332 --> 00:09:28,033
Pushing, pushing it
through my sweater

120
00:09:28,035 --> 00:09:30,168
until it bruised my flesh.

121
00:09:30,170 --> 00:09:32,704
He told me to get down
on all fours,

122
00:09:32,706 --> 00:09:35,340
- like a dog. -Thank you,
Julia, that is enough.

123
00:09:35,342 --> 00:09:38,143
- I'm not finished.
- Oh, you're finished.

124
00:09:38,145 --> 00:09:40,178
- Have a seat.
- I have three pages left.

125
00:09:40,180 --> 00:09:41,346
This wasn't the assignment.

126
00:09:41,348 --> 00:09:42,948
Well, you assigned
a confessional.

127
00:09:42,950 --> 00:09:44,349
This didn't happen to you.

128
00:09:44,351 --> 00:09:45,717
- How do you know?
- Come on.

129
00:09:45,719 --> 00:09:47,252
What?
It could have.

130
00:09:47,254 --> 00:09:50,255
- Not likely.

131
00:09:50,257 --> 00:09:53,191
Mr. snow, this is
a narrative writing class

132
00:09:53,193 --> 00:09:54,793
and I wrote a narrative.

133
00:09:54,795 --> 00:09:57,062
It is not your place
to condemn my subject.

134
00:09:57,064 --> 00:10:00,899
But it absolutely is my place to
condemn inappropriate material.

135
00:10:00,901 --> 00:10:03,201
How the hell can you
call this inappropriate?

136
00:10:03,203 --> 00:10:04,803
You're not even
qualified to judge.

137
00:10:04,805 --> 00:10:05,870
You're a man.

138
00:10:05,872 --> 00:10:06,972
So are you.

139
00:10:08,175 --> 00:10:10,642
All right, okay,
we're done here.

140
00:10:17,383 --> 00:10:21,119
I need to see the principal.
Are you going to get him?

141
00:10:21,121 --> 00:10:23,121
Sign in and sit down.

142
00:10:34,967 --> 00:10:39,904
Eww. Pohl?
Is that "starchild?"

143
00:10:39,906 --> 00:10:41,406
Yeah.

144
00:10:41,408 --> 00:10:43,208
Pohl's only halfway okay
when he collaborates

145
00:10:43,210 --> 00:10:44,809
with other writers.

146
00:10:46,178 --> 00:10:48,913
Did you ever read
"the space merchants?"

147
00:10:48,915 --> 00:10:52,884
Mm-hmm.
It's pretty good.

148
00:10:52,886 --> 00:10:55,086
I think this one
kinda sucks though.

149
00:10:57,857 --> 00:10:59,658
I have something for you.

150
00:11:03,329 --> 00:11:05,330
I didn't know you wrote.

151
00:11:05,332 --> 00:11:08,266
Oh, i... this...

152
00:11:08,268 --> 00:11:11,703
- I didn't mean for...
- I liked it.

153
00:11:11,705 --> 00:11:14,039
Are you in trouble?

154
00:11:14,041 --> 00:11:16,107
Yeah, I have to see a counselor.

155
00:11:16,109 --> 00:11:19,444
Yeah, well, I'm here for enacting
my first amendment rights.

156
00:11:19,446 --> 00:11:20,845
I wrote an erotic fable.

157
00:11:20,847 --> 00:11:23,214
Well, it was more of a parable.

158
00:11:23,216 --> 00:11:25,350
It's a bit more grounded
than yours, but...

159
00:11:25,352 --> 00:11:28,253
You get the idea.

160
00:11:28,255 --> 00:11:29,854
What?

161
00:11:29,856 --> 00:11:33,825
Do you write other
stories, like, um...

162
00:11:33,827 --> 00:11:35,860
Like erotic literature?

163
00:11:35,862 --> 00:11:38,129
Mm-hmm.
All the time.

164
00:11:38,131 --> 00:11:43,435
- It's all online.
- Really? Where?

165
00:11:43,437 --> 00:11:45,470
A riddle.

166
00:11:45,472 --> 00:11:48,373
Eat me, drink me.

167
00:11:53,079 --> 00:11:56,481
Well, good luck, young JUVIE.

168
00:11:56,483 --> 00:11:58,817
Wait, you're leaving?

169
00:12:17,937 --> 00:12:19,838
Where are they?

170
00:12:22,041 --> 00:12:23,942
I don't think you're
supposed to smoke.

171
00:12:23,944 --> 00:12:25,777
My mom smoked when
she was pregnant with me.

172
00:12:25,779 --> 00:12:28,146
I don't think that's...
It's not like a myth.

173
00:12:28,148 --> 00:12:29,514
It's a circulation thing.

174
00:12:29,516 --> 00:12:30,915
No, it's fine.

175
00:12:32,219 --> 00:12:34,385
We get it, shit ass!

176
00:12:40,960 --> 00:12:43,394
All right, where to?

177
00:12:43,396 --> 00:12:45,130
The mall!

178
00:14:12,585 --> 00:14:14,886
His was the way of the warrior.

179
00:14:14,888 --> 00:14:19,157
Crass. Uneducated.
But strong.

180
00:14:19,159 --> 00:14:20,959
His abilities would
prove useless

181
00:14:20,961 --> 00:14:23,094
in the enchanted forest.

182
00:14:23,096 --> 00:14:24,562
Where the ancient
inhabitants dwelled

183
00:14:24,564 --> 00:14:27,532
and recesses of one's own mind.

184
00:14:27,534 --> 00:14:30,101
The hunter pushed forth unaware

185
00:14:30,103 --> 00:14:32,637
fain had been watching him
from the moment he entered.

186
00:14:43,282 --> 00:14:47,485
Neil!

187
00:14:47,487 --> 00:14:49,354
It's Neil, right?

188
00:14:52,892 --> 00:14:54,492
Are you watching me?

189
00:14:54,494 --> 00:14:56,261
No.

190
00:14:56,263 --> 00:14:58,229
Well, yeah.

191
00:14:58,231 --> 00:15:01,666
No, i... I was
just curious.

192
00:15:01,668 --> 00:15:04,535
- About? -What we talked
about the other day.

193
00:15:04,537 --> 00:15:08,973
We talked the other day?

194
00:15:08,975 --> 00:15:10,208
Sorry.

195
00:15:11,343 --> 00:15:12,944
Neil.

196
00:15:12,946 --> 00:15:16,314
God, come back.
I'm fucking with you.

197
00:15:17,650 --> 00:15:19,117
- Um.
- It's cool.

198
00:15:19,119 --> 00:15:20,585
I write slash, too.

199
00:15:20,587 --> 00:15:22,620
Yeah, I know.
I read your stuff.

200
00:15:22,622 --> 00:15:24,389
All of it.

201
00:15:24,391 --> 00:15:27,091
Your fan fic is amazing.

202
00:15:27,093 --> 00:15:28,993
I see you got my code.

203
00:15:32,498 --> 00:15:34,365
I do like what you did
with the forest guard

204
00:15:34,367 --> 00:15:36,100
in "midnight come lately."

205
00:15:36,102 --> 00:15:38,002
They're really
under utilized in canon.

206
00:15:38,004 --> 00:15:39,570
Yeah, they're
conceptually awesome,

207
00:15:39,572 --> 00:15:42,040
but I feel like nobody gets it.

208
00:15:42,042 --> 00:15:44,008
It's like they're
begging us to fix 'em.

209
00:15:44,010 --> 00:15:46,110
You're doing what
they wished they could do

210
00:15:46,112 --> 00:15:48,112
if they didn't have
to answer to the publisher.

211
00:15:48,114 --> 00:15:51,649
Yeah, exactly. Mainstream
success is for chumps.

212
00:15:51,651 --> 00:15:55,119
You know, like, the wood spirit,

213
00:15:55,121 --> 00:15:59,090
and pagan gods and ritual magic?

214
00:15:59,092 --> 00:16:02,293
It's really...

215
00:16:02,295 --> 00:16:05,029
Sexual? Yeah.

216
00:16:05,031 --> 00:16:06,464
It's so rich.

217
00:16:06,466 --> 00:16:08,566
Organized religion
just totally nut clipped

218
00:16:08,568 --> 00:16:10,268
everything that was great
about traditional

219
00:16:10,270 --> 00:16:11,569
fertility rituals.

220
00:16:11,571 --> 00:16:13,104
I mean, that's the only
part about fame

221
00:16:13,106 --> 00:16:15,039
that I even give a shit about.

222
00:16:15,041 --> 00:16:17,175
It's just a jumping off point.

223
00:16:17,177 --> 00:16:19,410
It's funny that they think
it's kid's stuff,

224
00:16:19,412 --> 00:16:23,514
but, like, there's
all this subtext.

225
00:16:23,516 --> 00:16:25,383
I know.

226
00:16:25,385 --> 00:16:29,320
I bet we're the only two kids
in this entire joint

227
00:16:29,322 --> 00:16:32,323
that know about
what we know about.

228
00:16:32,325 --> 00:16:35,693
It's kind of special.

229
00:16:35,695 --> 00:16:39,030
You wanna ditch?

230
00:16:39,032 --> 00:16:40,264
School?

231
00:16:40,266 --> 00:16:43,067
No, I mean, you wanna
dig a ditch?

232
00:16:43,069 --> 00:16:45,436
- Let's go.
- Oh, i... I can't

233
00:16:45,438 --> 00:16:49,474
I have a test in social
studies next period.

234
00:16:49,476 --> 00:16:51,642
It's on the Incas.

235
00:16:54,079 --> 00:16:56,414
Well, it's not like
a midterm or anything,

236
00:16:56,416 --> 00:17:01,119
so um yeah.

237
00:17:01,121 --> 00:17:02,720
I let Martine
take my car to work,

238
00:17:02,722 --> 00:17:04,422
so we have to walk.

239
00:17:04,424 --> 00:17:07,025
But it's just the mall.

240
00:17:07,027 --> 00:17:09,093
Martine's crazy.

241
00:17:09,095 --> 00:17:12,030
I mean, she's pretty
much best friend,

242
00:17:12,032 --> 00:17:13,297
she's just sort of a bitch.

243
00:17:13,299 --> 00:17:16,501
Is that... is that
the pregnant girl?

244
00:17:21,106 --> 00:17:22,640
"At frontier's rim?"

245
00:17:22,642 --> 00:17:26,277
I hate these things.
They never get the book right.

246
00:17:26,279 --> 00:17:28,546
Well, I guess I'm lucky
that fain hasn't made

247
00:17:28,548 --> 00:17:30,581
the leap to the big screen yet.

248
00:17:30,583 --> 00:17:35,119
Just it pisses me off that
whenever I see vanguard in my head

249
00:17:35,121 --> 00:17:38,489
- that guy... -Well, he's
not your character.

250
00:17:38,491 --> 00:17:42,326
I mean, that's why
it's called fan fic.

251
00:17:42,328 --> 00:17:47,165
- Yeah, but.
- You seen it yet?

252
00:17:47,167 --> 00:17:48,800
Like five times.

253
00:17:52,538 --> 00:17:54,505
God damn it.

254
00:17:54,507 --> 00:17:57,375
She's not getting off work
until like 6.

255
00:17:57,377 --> 00:17:59,310
Okay, I don't have anything
better to do.

256
00:18:13,859 --> 00:18:17,095
Will it be...
Smell like...

257
00:18:17,097 --> 00:18:20,565
Will my parents be able to tell?

258
00:18:20,567 --> 00:18:22,333
You don't have to.
It's cool.

259
00:18:22,335 --> 00:18:25,103
No, I mean, I want to, but...

260
00:18:45,190 --> 00:18:47,225
Thank you.

261
00:18:47,227 --> 00:18:50,394
Uh! Shut your door.

262
00:18:50,396 --> 00:18:54,699
- Put your seat down.
- Why?

263
00:18:54,701 --> 00:18:57,869
What, are you ashamed
to be seen with me?

264
00:18:57,871 --> 00:19:00,905
I don't know. I just... I
don't want to get into it.

265
00:19:00,907 --> 00:19:03,241
There's too much backstory.

266
00:19:07,279 --> 00:19:09,647
Mike Holloway drove his truck

267
00:19:09,649 --> 00:19:12,850
through my mom's marigolds
when I was ten.

268
00:19:12,852 --> 00:19:14,819
Then he gave her the finger.

269
00:19:19,491 --> 00:19:24,662
I am so stoned.

270
00:19:45,184 --> 00:19:46,250
Heads up,
knob-goblin!

271
00:19:46,252 --> 00:19:47,752
Uh!

272
00:19:47,754 --> 00:19:49,587
Hey, wake up! Let's go. Move.

273
00:19:49,589 --> 00:19:51,422
Move to the back.
Move it!

274
00:19:51,424 --> 00:19:53,391
- Go to the back.
- Okay.

275
00:19:56,361 --> 00:19:58,696
Ow! I'm pregnant, bitch!

276
00:19:58,698 --> 00:20:01,699
You know, your arm's
not pregnant, moron.

277
00:20:01,701 --> 00:20:03,401
Jesus, I thought that was Mike.

278
00:20:03,403 --> 00:20:06,637
You're really tearing
through them these days.

279
00:20:06,639 --> 00:20:08,372
Are you kidding me?

280
00:20:10,909 --> 00:20:12,710
Hi.

281
00:20:12,712 --> 00:20:14,278
I just don't get
what you guys are doing

282
00:20:14,280 --> 00:20:15,513
for an hour and a half
in the parking lot.

283
00:20:15,515 --> 00:20:17,415
Were you like
blowing each other?

284
00:20:17,417 --> 00:20:20,551
We were talking about writing.

285
00:20:20,553 --> 00:20:24,322
Whoa! Wait, you write
that shit, too?

286
00:20:24,324 --> 00:20:25,756
I should have known.

287
00:20:25,758 --> 00:20:27,925
Who do you have fucking?

288
00:20:27,927 --> 00:20:30,561
Harry Potter?

289
00:20:30,563 --> 00:20:33,965
Thomas the train engine?

290
00:20:33,967 --> 00:20:35,700
I just gotta know whose
fictional dick

291
00:20:35,702 --> 00:20:38,302
is going in whose
made-up mouth.

292
00:20:38,304 --> 00:20:39,604
You can't even read.

293
00:20:39,606 --> 00:20:42,473
Yeah, I can read.
I read all the time.

294
00:20:42,475 --> 00:20:44,242
I read actual books for adults.

295
00:20:44,244 --> 00:20:46,711
- Not baby books.
- Okay, name one.

296
00:20:46,713 --> 00:20:49,981
"Wuthering heights," ass blood.

297
00:20:49,983 --> 00:20:54,452
- The Bronte sisters wrote fan fic.
- What?

298
00:20:54,454 --> 00:20:56,254
The Bronte sisters.
Emily Bronte,

299
00:20:56,256 --> 00:20:59,824
of "Wuthering heights,"
wrote erotic fan fiction.

300
00:20:59,826 --> 00:21:01,592
They're like pioneers.

301
00:21:01,594 --> 00:21:05,296
Wow. It's really good
Mike isn't here to find out

302
00:21:05,298 --> 00:21:11,035
that you're still
such a fucking geeeeeek!

303
00:21:15,407 --> 00:21:18,309
Dude, you know weed
stays in your system

304
00:21:18,311 --> 00:21:19,844
for like two weeks.

305
00:21:19,846 --> 00:21:23,347
On your clothes, on your jacket.

306
00:21:23,349 --> 00:21:25,383
Leave him alone.

307
00:21:25,385 --> 00:21:29,920
Hey, tomorrow, 2:00.
Let's meet in the courtyard.

308
00:21:29,922 --> 00:21:31,689
We can drive around.

309
00:21:34,459 --> 00:21:36,594
Bye.

310
00:22:01,553 --> 00:22:04,755
Belzac and Deron Zaxa
had been fighting for hours.

311
00:22:04,757 --> 00:22:06,991
Sweat tinged the air
of the war chamber.

312
00:22:06,993 --> 00:22:09,460
That was the first thing
vanguard noticed as he entered.

313
00:22:09,462 --> 00:22:11,996
The bulge in his leather pants
jumped to attention...

314
00:22:11,998 --> 00:22:14,365
Erect member out of...
Suddenly, Belzac reentered...

315
00:22:14,367 --> 00:22:16,467
His mouth, usually only
engaged in ordering

316
00:22:16,469 --> 00:22:19,970
soldiers to their deaths,
now found its true purpose.

317
00:22:54,606 --> 00:22:56,640
We will not stand for this.

318
00:22:56,642 --> 00:22:58,676
If the trade union continues
to block us at every turn...

319
00:22:58,678 --> 00:23:01,379
Block you?
Block you.

320
00:23:01,381 --> 00:23:02,880
Your armada destroyed
the last...

321
00:23:02,882 --> 00:23:05,616
- twelve. -Twelve
shipments of illinium

322
00:23:05,618 --> 00:23:07,952
- sent to Parak Menom.
- Only 12?

323
00:23:07,954 --> 00:23:10,654
Now 13.

324
00:23:10,656 --> 00:23:12,022
It's an embargo.

325
00:23:12,024 --> 00:23:13,924
A legal embargo.

326
00:23:13,926 --> 00:23:16,026
Odd definition
of the word legal.

327
00:23:16,028 --> 00:23:20,631
- Actually... -oh, so that's
why you brought your...

328
00:23:20,633 --> 00:23:21,999
Muscle?

329
00:23:22,001 --> 00:23:24,869
You have nothing to fear
from us, Deron Zaxa.

330
00:23:24,871 --> 00:23:28,839
You or your muscle.

331
00:23:28,841 --> 00:23:31,509
I will not be mocked
aboard my own ship.

332
00:23:31,511 --> 00:23:33,477
Hired ship.

333
00:23:33,479 --> 00:23:34,745
It's his freighter.

334
00:23:38,917 --> 00:23:40,985
What do I pay you for?

335
00:23:40,987 --> 00:23:42,486
Move!

336
00:23:45,724 --> 00:23:48,459
Whatever he pays you,
we'll double it.

337
00:23:48,461 --> 00:23:51,962
Allow us to show you
what we'll pay you for.

338
00:23:59,004 --> 00:24:01,038
I don't have all day.

339
00:24:01,040 --> 00:24:02,773
Yes, sir, very busy.

340
00:24:02,775 --> 00:24:04,975
You have a lunch at...

341
00:24:04,977 --> 00:24:07,678
1300.

342
00:24:07,680 --> 00:24:09,180
Christ!

343
00:24:13,685 --> 00:24:15,219
God!

344
00:24:30,235 --> 00:24:33,771
Zaxa's hand reached down...
Down to his zipper.

345
00:24:35,574 --> 00:24:37,041
The ambient humidity in the room

346
00:24:37,043 --> 00:24:40,177
reached a level that set off
the climate klaxon.

347
00:24:40,179 --> 00:24:43,781
But Zaxa couldn't...
Or wouldn't... stop.

348
00:25:18,517 --> 00:25:21,819
Hey, Neil.

349
00:25:21,821 --> 00:25:24,555
God I sucked today.

350
00:25:24,557 --> 00:25:25,890
You were really good.

351
00:25:25,892 --> 00:25:29,960
That accent is,
it's out of control.

352
00:25:29,962 --> 00:25:32,263
I think it's funny
when you do it like that.

353
00:25:32,265 --> 00:25:34,598
It's supposed to be
a comedy, right?

354
00:25:36,902 --> 00:25:39,837
Yeah, I suppose you're right.

355
00:25:39,839 --> 00:25:42,740
See, that's why I like you, man.

356
00:25:42,742 --> 00:25:46,310
You always make me feel better.

357
00:25:51,182 --> 00:25:53,717
So you get like touched
inappropriately by the doctor?

358
00:25:53,719 --> 00:25:55,319
No, he just puts goo
all over your belly.

359
00:25:55,321 --> 00:25:57,187
- It's not a big deal.
- Yeah.

360
00:25:57,189 --> 00:25:59,256
You have no clue
how big a speculum is.

361
00:25:59,258 --> 00:26:00,925
It's like three adult dicks
glued together.

362
00:26:00,927 --> 00:26:02,226
Sounds like me though.

363
00:26:02,228 --> 00:26:04,695
Hey, snoop dog!
Come here!

364
00:26:06,731 --> 00:26:09,233
- Well, who's this?
- Julia's new boyfriend.

365
00:26:09,235 --> 00:26:11,335
- Jealous?
- For real?

366
00:26:13,672 --> 00:26:16,774
What's up, bro?
I'm Mike.

367
00:26:16,776 --> 00:26:18,609
Ow.

368
00:26:18,611 --> 00:26:20,644
I'm Neil.

369
00:26:20,646 --> 00:26:23,847
- Well, I guess I owe you one, Neil.
- You do?

370
00:26:23,849 --> 00:26:26,650
Yeah, for taking little miss
elf quest off my hands.

371
00:26:26,652 --> 00:26:29,687
She has been up my hole
like 24-7.

372
00:26:32,757 --> 00:26:34,158
Hey, fetus.

373
00:26:38,930 --> 00:26:41,332
So long, kiddies,
let's ride around.

374
00:26:43,068 --> 00:26:45,636
Better not leak
on my seats, Martine.

375
00:26:45,638 --> 00:26:47,338
I don't leak.
It all stays in me.

376
00:26:47,340 --> 00:26:49,106
For like another two months.

377
00:26:49,108 --> 00:26:50,341
Gross.

378
00:26:50,343 --> 00:26:53,177
Hey, I wanna tell you
about something.

379
00:26:53,179 --> 00:26:55,279
There's a con
in Houston coming up.

380
00:26:55,281 --> 00:26:57,681
Like a comic con?

381
00:26:57,683 --> 00:26:58,983
Yes, like a comic con.

382
00:26:58,985 --> 00:27:00,618
A big one.

383
00:27:00,620 --> 00:27:02,987
The rabbit's hole is hosting
a private mixer.

384
00:27:02,989 --> 00:27:05,155
- It's invite only.
- Oh, yeah.

385
00:27:05,157 --> 00:27:08,258
- I think I heard of that.
- Well, I got invited.

386
00:27:08,260 --> 00:27:10,661
Really?
Cool.

387
00:27:10,663 --> 00:27:12,396
Yeah, there's a live read, too.

388
00:27:12,398 --> 00:27:14,164
I mean, that's only
for rock stars,

389
00:27:14,166 --> 00:27:16,667
so, I don't wanna
be presumptuous or whatever,

390
00:27:16,669 --> 00:27:21,105
but I think they might ask me.

391
00:27:21,107 --> 00:27:25,109
You can still get invited. You just
need to upload your damn work.

392
00:27:25,111 --> 00:27:29,780
Yeah, but... don't you
have to be 18?

393
00:27:29,782 --> 00:27:31,181
You're joking, right?

394
00:27:31,183 --> 00:27:33,384
I don't even know
if my stuff is...

395
00:27:33,386 --> 00:27:36,754
- I don't know!
- Come on, it's good.

396
00:27:36,756 --> 00:27:37,988
You barely even read any.

397
00:27:37,990 --> 00:27:39,289
Well, it's gotta be good.

398
00:27:39,291 --> 00:27:41,258
I mean, you're so repressed.

399
00:27:41,260 --> 00:27:43,661
That shit has gotta
come out somehow.

400
00:27:45,330 --> 00:27:47,998
Drop us off at Neil's house!

401
00:27:48,000 --> 00:27:49,967
Oh, man, I thought
you were joking.

402
00:27:57,175 --> 00:27:59,910
Exactly how I imagined it.

403
00:27:59,912 --> 00:28:02,046
I guess it's pretty drab.

404
00:28:02,048 --> 00:28:05,449
My mom's been kind of away.

405
00:28:16,227 --> 00:28:17,861
Moment of truth.

406
00:28:17,863 --> 00:28:19,329
Crack her open.

407
00:28:25,870 --> 00:28:29,373
Julia, I didn't really mean for
these to be seen by anybody.

408
00:28:29,375 --> 00:28:31,535
Yes, you did. Otherwise you
wouldn't have written them.

409
00:28:35,780 --> 00:28:38,082
I can't watch.

410
00:28:47,792 --> 00:28:50,260
- I thought you couldn't watch.
- Sorry.

411
00:28:55,433 --> 00:28:58,001
Oh, my god.

412
00:28:58,003 --> 00:29:00,871
Do these girls actually
wear space bikinis?

413
00:29:00,873 --> 00:29:04,808
It's ceremonial.
They were given...

414
00:29:04,810 --> 00:29:07,044
It's not my idea.

415
00:29:07,046 --> 00:29:09,213
Well, I just like that there's
actual girls in here.

416
00:29:37,876 --> 00:29:41,845
Wow, you are one twisted fuck.

417
00:29:41,847 --> 00:29:44,114
I love it.

418
00:29:46,484 --> 00:29:50,487
- Ooh, prepare to be analized!
- It's not a toy.

419
00:29:50,489 --> 00:29:52,122
It's not a toy.
That's so weird.

420
00:29:52,124 --> 00:29:53,457
- It looks like a toy.
- You're gonna break it.

421
00:29:53,459 --> 00:29:56,193
- That's crazy.
- Whoa!

422
00:29:56,195 --> 00:29:58,929
Say your space prayers, sucka.

423
00:30:02,200 --> 00:30:03,233
Am I interrupting?

424
00:30:03,235 --> 00:30:05,369
Don't you knock?

425
00:30:05,371 --> 00:30:09,540
Um, dad is working late.
There's food in the fridge.

426
00:30:09,542 --> 00:30:11,108
Where are you going?

427
00:30:11,110 --> 00:30:12,876
Oh, my band has a show.

428
00:30:12,878 --> 00:30:14,211
What's your band?

429
00:30:14,213 --> 00:30:17,214
Dance or die.

430
00:30:17,216 --> 00:30:19,283
It sounds awesome.

431
00:30:19,285 --> 00:30:21,151
Yeah, well, it's pretty stupid.

432
00:30:21,153 --> 00:30:22,286
I bet you're really good.

433
00:30:22,288 --> 00:30:24,021
- Just get out!
- All right.

434
00:30:24,023 --> 00:30:26,256
I'm off.
I have to pick up Tim.

435
00:30:26,258 --> 00:30:27,457
It smells like sweat in here.

436
00:30:29,861 --> 00:30:32,062
What was that?

437
00:30:32,064 --> 00:30:34,865
I'm bisexual, just so you know.

438
00:30:34,867 --> 00:30:37,234
Eww, she's not even gay.

439
00:30:37,236 --> 00:30:40,571
All women are bisexual.
All of them.

440
00:30:40,573 --> 00:30:43,140
My first blog, clitora majora,

441
00:30:43,142 --> 00:30:45,242
is all about it.

442
00:30:47,278 --> 00:30:52,349
- So, you ready?
- No. For what?

443
00:30:52,351 --> 00:30:55,085
It's time to upload.

444
00:30:55,087 --> 00:30:56,553
I don't think I'm ready.

445
00:30:56,555 --> 00:31:00,924
Dude, they only send invites
to writers who post.

446
00:31:00,926 --> 00:31:04,528
And besides, writers,
real writers,

447
00:31:04,530 --> 00:31:07,965
let people read their shit.
And your shit is good.

448
00:31:07,967 --> 00:31:09,600
I mean, it's not
as good as mine,

449
00:31:09,602 --> 00:31:12,002
but traditionally boys don't
write very good erotica.

450
00:31:12,004 --> 00:31:15,138
- So, by those standards...
- Okay, fine.

451
00:31:15,140 --> 00:31:18,342
Just, stop talking.

452
00:31:22,914 --> 00:31:23,947
Really?

453
00:31:36,327 --> 00:31:38,428
Oh, my god. What are you
like the one person

454
00:31:38,430 --> 00:31:41,198
on the entire Internet that
doesn't lie about their age?

455
00:31:41,200 --> 00:31:43,533
- Are you a Mennonite?
- No.

456
00:31:43,535 --> 00:31:46,136
I just, I don't want
to misrepresent myself.

457
00:31:46,138 --> 00:31:48,572
Okay. I'm gonna go
out on a limb here

458
00:31:48,574 --> 00:31:51,575
and say that this is not about
misrepresenting yourself.

459
00:31:51,577 --> 00:31:55,612
You don't want to do this
because once you do,

460
00:31:55,614 --> 00:31:57,648
you're one of us.

461
00:31:57,650 --> 00:32:01,652
It's the final line.
The last taboo.

462
00:32:10,962 --> 00:32:14,164
Well, there's no
turning back, Van fan.

463
00:32:14,166 --> 00:32:16,199
It's in god's hands now.

464
00:32:24,075 --> 00:32:25,242
What?

465
00:32:25,244 --> 00:32:26,944
Can we just turn comments off?

466
00:32:26,946 --> 00:32:31,181
No, dude, it's part
of the public record now.

467
00:32:31,183 --> 00:32:33,116
You're killing me.

468
00:32:33,118 --> 00:32:35,619
Let's talk about something else.
Literally anything else.

469
00:32:38,122 --> 00:32:41,425
I like the way you eat.

470
00:32:48,566 --> 00:32:54,004
Neil, when we were
horsing around,

471
00:32:54,006 --> 00:32:55,639
did you get a boner?

472
00:32:55,641 --> 00:32:59,209
- Like a little bit of a boner?
- No!

473
00:32:59,211 --> 00:33:03,714
Okay. It's cool
if you did.

474
00:33:03,716 --> 00:33:07,184
I thought that you were...

475
00:33:07,186 --> 00:33:08,552
What?

476
00:33:08,554 --> 00:33:10,220
Nothing.

477
00:33:10,222 --> 00:33:12,189
It's cool if you popped a chub.

478
00:33:12,191 --> 00:33:13,623
God, shut up.

479
00:33:19,631 --> 00:33:21,598
- Yo.
- Where's Martine?

480
00:33:21,600 --> 00:33:24,568
I don't know. At the abortion
clinic with her mom.

481
00:33:24,570 --> 00:33:27,371
Wanna grab some food? We can go
to footlongers and get some subs.

482
00:33:27,373 --> 00:33:29,539
Watch "celebrity apprentice"
at my place.

483
00:33:29,541 --> 00:33:32,175
And by your place you mean
your mom's basement?

484
00:33:32,177 --> 00:33:34,644
Yeah, whatever.
I got weed.

485
00:33:34,646 --> 00:33:36,279
You wanna come?

486
00:33:36,281 --> 00:33:39,116
Whoa! What the fuck
do you think I look like?

487
00:33:39,118 --> 00:33:40,650
A fucking full service
food court?

488
00:33:40,652 --> 00:33:44,755
No, that's okay.
I've got math homework.

489
00:33:44,757 --> 00:33:46,223
See, he's got math homework.

490
00:33:46,225 --> 00:33:47,724
He's got a future.

491
00:33:47,726 --> 00:33:49,426
Fuck you.

492
00:33:55,466 --> 00:33:58,268
Neil, really great work today.

493
00:34:06,177 --> 00:34:07,778
I have you nymph.

494
00:34:07,780 --> 00:34:11,448
The hot breath is his voice
in her elongated, elfin ear.

495
00:34:11,450 --> 00:34:13,683
The ear that to nymph kind,

496
00:34:13,685 --> 00:34:16,253
seconded as a highly
erogenous zone.

497
00:34:16,255 --> 00:34:17,821
Fain was lost unto herself.

498
00:34:17,823 --> 00:34:21,658
His name now known to her.
Michael.

499
00:34:21,660 --> 00:34:25,228
Sir Michael.
My sweet Michael.

500
00:34:37,175 --> 00:34:38,809
All right, so nicklepenny
comes through the door

501
00:34:38,811 --> 00:34:40,777
minus his pants.
Hollycotton is surprised

502
00:34:40,779 --> 00:34:42,746
and crosses to l-6.

503
00:34:42,748 --> 00:34:45,082
Mr. nicklepenny!

504
00:34:45,084 --> 00:34:47,117
- I thought you were...
- Across the hall?

505
00:34:47,119 --> 00:34:48,819
This mansion is still
quite a mystery to me.

506
00:34:48,821 --> 00:34:50,587
Oh, wait, wait, wait.
That's too much.

507
00:34:50,589 --> 00:34:52,622
Reverse.

508
00:34:52,624 --> 00:34:55,258
No, no, that's not right either.

509
00:34:55,260 --> 00:34:57,260
Look, I have a test
in 30 minutes,

510
00:34:57,262 --> 00:34:59,563
and I'm not going to fail
because of your slow ass.

511
00:34:59,565 --> 00:35:01,798
And how long did we wait
for you to get off-book?

512
00:35:01,800 --> 00:35:03,733
Fuck you!
I have dyslexia.

513
00:35:03,735 --> 00:35:05,735
Miss Lewis, this is
a tech rehearsal

514
00:35:05,737 --> 00:35:07,404
and I can't put up
with her anymore.

515
00:35:07,406 --> 00:35:09,406
I take dyslexia medication.

516
00:35:09,408 --> 00:35:11,374
Jessie, take a break.

517
00:35:11,376 --> 00:35:13,410
Neil, hey.
Neil!

518
00:35:13,412 --> 00:35:15,312
Huh?

519
00:35:15,314 --> 00:35:18,281
Could you be so kind as to
relieve miss hunt for a moment?

520
00:35:26,357 --> 00:35:28,625
I can't put up with her...

521
00:35:28,627 --> 00:35:31,495
Can you imagine having
to deal with her parents?

522
00:35:31,497 --> 00:35:35,765
So, Jessie tells me
you're a writer.

523
00:35:35,767 --> 00:35:37,567
You really freaked her out.

524
00:35:37,569 --> 00:35:41,438
- Oh, I didn't mean to.
- Dude, that needed to happen.

525
00:35:41,440 --> 00:35:44,441
This place could use
some subversion.

526
00:35:44,443 --> 00:35:48,445
Yeah, um, in AP English,
we got to read Oscar Wilde...

527
00:35:48,447 --> 00:35:52,782
- so you gonna let me read it?
- Oh.

528
00:35:52,784 --> 00:35:54,851
Okay, let's take it
from the double entendre.

529
00:36:00,291 --> 00:36:02,225
It seems that Horace
has mistakenly

530
00:36:02,227 --> 00:36:04,294
taken my clothes.

531
00:36:04,296 --> 00:36:07,264
Thankfully not all of them.

532
00:36:07,266 --> 00:36:09,733
Yes, thankfully.

533
00:36:12,937 --> 00:36:14,838
Oh... it's cotton.

534
00:36:14,840 --> 00:36:16,740
Cotton's a very
versatile fabric,

535
00:36:16,742 --> 00:36:18,775
don't you think?

536
00:36:18,777 --> 00:36:22,279
Extremely pliable
to a man's touch.

537
00:36:22,281 --> 00:36:23,813
What appears course,

538
00:36:23,815 --> 00:36:27,717
now in my hands
is so very, very soft.

539
00:38:56,967 --> 00:39:01,938
Oh, my god.

540
00:39:01,940 --> 00:39:04,641
Oh, listen to this, "Deron Zaxa,

541
00:39:04,643 --> 00:39:08,945
ever the orator, put his mouth to
quite a different purpose now."

542
00:39:11,082 --> 00:39:14,918
Dude, this Deron Zaxa guy
is you straight up.

543
00:39:19,623 --> 00:39:23,460
- Neil. -You do know
he's straight, right?

544
00:39:35,439 --> 00:39:37,040
Thanks.

545
00:39:37,042 --> 00:39:39,609
You're gonna have
to drive my car.

546
00:39:45,549 --> 00:39:47,117
Are you crying?

547
00:39:47,119 --> 00:39:49,686
No.

548
00:39:49,688 --> 00:39:52,422
I'm pretty sure you're crying.

549
00:40:00,598 --> 00:40:06,469
Never drink vodka from a
plastic jug with a handle.

550
00:40:06,471 --> 00:40:07,737
Okay.

551
00:40:09,807 --> 00:40:14,077
Mike Holloway
is pure dick cheese.

552
00:40:44,675 --> 00:40:49,512
Neil, I have something
important to tell you.

553
00:40:49,514 --> 00:40:52,215
Something I've been
thinking about for a while.

554
00:40:59,857 --> 00:41:02,826
I think you use
too much flowery prose.

555
00:41:02,828 --> 00:41:04,494
What?

556
00:41:04,496 --> 00:41:07,630
You say things like,
"he stroked his velvet rod,"

557
00:41:07,632 --> 00:41:12,669
when you should be like,
"he pumped his stone cock."

558
00:41:12,671 --> 00:41:15,538
Readers respond better
to direct language.

559
00:41:15,540 --> 00:41:17,140
Thanks.

560
00:41:17,142 --> 00:41:19,676
I can impart the wisdom
of our one year

561
00:41:19,678 --> 00:41:21,044
age difference, you know?

562
00:41:25,015 --> 00:41:30,820
Um, your mom has a lot
of religious stuff.

563
00:41:30,822 --> 00:41:34,891
Yeah, I think that's why
my dad killed himself.

564
00:41:38,128 --> 00:41:39,896
He was gay, you know.

565
00:41:39,898 --> 00:41:45,168
My dad, he kept it to himself.

566
00:41:45,170 --> 00:41:49,706
I guess he preferred death
to coming out.

567
00:41:49,708 --> 00:41:54,043
Man, do you really think
being gay killed him?

568
00:41:56,947 --> 00:41:59,182
I don't wanna be here
when my mom gets home.

569
00:42:08,125 --> 00:42:09,859
What?

570
00:42:09,861 --> 00:42:13,296
Mom's home.

571
00:42:13,298 --> 00:42:18,668
Stay here.

572
00:42:18,670 --> 00:42:20,837
I... I had to print
something for work.

573
00:42:23,140 --> 00:42:25,275
You know we've always
supported your interests.

574
00:42:25,277 --> 00:42:28,545
And the Internet is, wow,
an incredible tool.

575
00:42:28,547 --> 00:42:31,648
- We don't have to do this. -I think
what we're trying to say is just 'cause

576
00:42:31,650 --> 00:42:33,750
information is out there,
doesn't mean it's accurate.

577
00:42:33,752 --> 00:42:36,653
We just don't want you getting
particular information, you know,

578
00:42:36,655 --> 00:42:38,721
- from the wrong sources.
- I'm 15.

579
00:42:38,723 --> 00:42:40,857
Hey, you can read whatever you want.
We're fine with that.

580
00:42:40,859 --> 00:42:42,292
As long as you're reading.

581
00:42:42,294 --> 00:42:45,328
Uh-huh, as long as
it's not "mein Kampf."

582
00:42:45,330 --> 00:42:48,598
But actually, well, "mein Kampf" is
actually a pretty interesting read.

583
00:42:48,600 --> 00:42:51,834
Honey, I don't want you
to feel awkward about this.

584
00:42:51,836 --> 00:42:55,305
If you want to read intelligent
prose on human sexuality

585
00:42:55,307 --> 00:42:56,773
I can make you a reading list.

586
00:42:56,775 --> 00:43:00,877
Eww! No! What do you
mean intelligent?

587
00:43:00,879 --> 00:43:02,912
Well, it's just whoever wrote
that story on your computer,

588
00:43:02,914 --> 00:43:04,747
they obviously don't have
the first clue

589
00:43:04,749 --> 00:43:06,349
about actual human
relationships.

590
00:43:06,351 --> 00:43:08,117
It's demented.

591
00:43:08,119 --> 00:43:09,986
I don't think your mother's
talking about

592
00:43:09,988 --> 00:43:13,089
- the homosexual content, not particularly.
- Please stop.

593
00:43:13,091 --> 00:43:15,725
It's just more
of a basic plotting problem.

594
00:43:15,727 --> 00:43:19,329
You're absorbing material
that has some rudimentary

595
00:43:19,331 --> 00:43:20,863
grammatical errors in it.

596
00:43:20,865 --> 00:43:22,699
You've got sentence fragments,

597
00:43:22,701 --> 00:43:24,634
you've got dangling participles.

598
00:43:24,636 --> 00:43:27,270
I actually have been helping
Neil with his writing.

599
00:43:27,272 --> 00:43:30,707
- Huh. -He's got a lot
of innate talent.

600
00:43:30,709 --> 00:43:32,241
He just uses too much
flowery prose.

601
00:43:32,243 --> 00:43:36,713
There's no flowery prose!

602
00:43:36,715 --> 00:43:40,083
Neil tells me you two
are considering a split?

603
00:43:40,085 --> 00:43:42,018
- What?
- I'm sorry.

604
00:43:42,020 --> 00:43:44,687
I just thought I could
provide some insight,

605
00:43:44,689 --> 00:43:46,322
since my parents are divorced.

606
00:43:46,324 --> 00:43:47,857
I'm sorry to hear that.

607
00:43:47,859 --> 00:43:49,392
Open and honest dialog is key

608
00:43:49,394 --> 00:43:51,995
to maintaining a stable
relationship.

609
00:43:51,997 --> 00:43:53,930
- Is it now?
- Totally.

610
00:43:53,932 --> 00:43:55,732
I write about it all the time.

611
00:43:55,734 --> 00:43:58,835
That and be honest about
one's own sexual desires.

612
00:43:58,837 --> 00:44:02,238
- It's rare that anyone ever is.
- Huh.

613
00:44:02,240 --> 00:44:04,641
I edit a lit journal
on women's studies.

614
00:44:04,643 --> 00:44:06,409
I plan to pursue that
in college.

615
00:44:06,411 --> 00:44:09,178
- Women's studies?
- Yeah, female sexuality

616
00:44:09,180 --> 00:44:11,114
in literature, specifically.

617
00:44:11,116 --> 00:44:13,116
Reverse gender roles
in pop culture,

618
00:44:13,118 --> 00:44:14,717
sexual submissive hierarchy,

619
00:44:14,719 --> 00:44:16,319
rape paradigms.

620
00:44:16,321 --> 00:44:18,788
I actually wrote a 22 page
thesis on the concept

621
00:44:18,790 --> 00:44:21,024
of venereal disease
as a female guilt trigger.

622
00:44:21,026 --> 00:44:23,960
It's no big deal. I did a paper
on monotremes, remember?

623
00:44:23,962 --> 00:44:26,763
Are monotremes a form of VD?

624
00:44:26,765 --> 00:44:29,432
Don't be embarrassed, Neil.
It's natural.

625
00:44:29,434 --> 00:44:33,970
Yeah, Neil, don't be embarrassed.
It's natural.

626
00:44:33,972 --> 00:44:37,006
- Do you ever read any online...
- dad!

627
00:44:37,008 --> 00:44:39,776
- I actually write online
- poetry.

628
00:44:39,778 --> 00:44:42,045
Online poetry.
Lady poetry.

629
00:44:42,047 --> 00:44:47,016
- About strong women.
- Lady poetry?

630
00:44:47,018 --> 00:44:49,786
You really need to bring
friend around more often.

631
00:44:49,788 --> 00:44:51,854
Did Neil tell you guys
about the convention?

632
00:44:51,856 --> 00:44:54,257
- The comic con?
- It's also for writers.

633
00:44:54,259 --> 00:44:56,325
Neil, you didn't mention that.

634
00:44:56,327 --> 00:44:58,161
It's for regular writers!

635
00:44:58,163 --> 00:45:01,197
- Is that true?
- Define regular.

636
00:45:01,199 --> 00:45:03,066
I think she means
non-erotic.

637
00:45:03,068 --> 00:45:05,334
Are you guys crazy?
What makes you think

638
00:45:05,336 --> 00:45:07,837
I would go to an erotic
writing convention?

639
00:45:07,839 --> 00:45:10,239
I don't know! Why would you
have it on your computer?

640
00:45:10,241 --> 00:45:13,076
I mean, do they have that...
What was the name?

641
00:45:13,078 --> 00:45:15,812
- Uh... Vang...
- Vanguard erotica.

642
00:45:15,814 --> 00:45:18,748
- Please stop saying "erotica" at the
dinner table. -No, please don't.

643
00:45:18,750 --> 00:45:22,018
I just need to know if you're
going to a place for adults.

644
00:45:22,020 --> 00:45:24,787
Yeah, mom has a strict
no sex dungeon policy.

645
00:45:24,789 --> 00:45:26,389
I'm not. We're not!

646
00:45:26,391 --> 00:45:28,324
You don't have to lie
to me, you know.

647
00:45:28,326 --> 00:45:30,827
Your mom is not
as square as you think.

648
00:45:30,829 --> 00:45:32,428
I even went to a key party once.

649
00:45:32,430 --> 00:45:34,330
When did you go to a key party?

650
00:45:34,332 --> 00:45:37,300
I'm not lying.

651
00:45:37,302 --> 00:45:39,135
Good.

652
00:45:39,137 --> 00:45:41,504
Good.

653
00:45:43,373 --> 00:45:46,309
So speaking of writing,
how much do you guys know

654
00:45:46,311 --> 00:45:48,344
about the Bronte sisters?

655
00:45:50,814 --> 00:45:54,150
I'm sorry about that.

656
00:45:54,152 --> 00:45:58,321
You know what, no, Neil, you have
to get past this repression.

657
00:45:58,323 --> 00:46:00,089
Yeah, well, why don't I come by

658
00:46:00,091 --> 00:46:01,991
and give a lecture
on the sexual fantasies

659
00:46:01,993 --> 00:46:04,861
of Emily Bronte to your mom.

660
00:46:04,863 --> 00:46:07,497
Your parents are cool.
You're lucky.

661
00:46:07,499 --> 00:46:11,067
Our situations are so different.

662
00:46:11,069 --> 00:46:14,036
- You told me that your dad
killed himself. -He did.

663
00:46:14,038 --> 00:46:16,405
"Oh, hey, Neil's parents,
why don't you let me

664
00:46:16,407 --> 00:46:18,941
give you some insight because
my parents are divorced."

665
00:46:18,943 --> 00:46:21,344
- You don't get it.
- Yeah, I don't.

666
00:46:24,882 --> 00:46:27,884
What?

667
00:46:27,886 --> 00:46:30,052
Well, I'm picking you up
tomorrow at 9 am,

668
00:46:30,054 --> 00:46:32,188
so be ready.

669
00:47:05,823 --> 00:47:09,091
- Some dinner, huh?
- Sorry.

670
00:47:09,093 --> 00:47:11,561
Hey, I like her.
She's a character.

671
00:47:16,133 --> 00:47:18,367
Well, lemme guess.
I can't go now?

672
00:47:22,840 --> 00:47:25,274
Dad. I'm good.

673
00:47:25,276 --> 00:47:27,109
Take it.
Take it.

674
00:47:32,082 --> 00:47:33,282
Do you remember
when I used to take you

675
00:47:33,284 --> 00:47:35,451
to those autograph conventions?

676
00:47:35,453 --> 00:47:37,186
Yeah.

677
00:47:37,188 --> 00:47:39,088
Remember when you stood
in line for two hours

678
00:47:39,090 --> 00:47:40,556
to try to get
butch Patrick to sign

679
00:47:40,558 --> 00:47:42,458
your munsters lunch box?
And then he wouldn't.

680
00:47:42,460 --> 00:47:45,628
Butch Patrick was a dick.

681
00:47:48,266 --> 00:47:50,366
All right, as far
as your mom knows,

682
00:47:50,368 --> 00:47:53,436
you're staying at your
cousin's, all right?

683
00:47:53,438 --> 00:47:55,872
And I'm counting on you
to do the right thing.

684
00:47:55,874 --> 00:48:00,343
At least not to do,
not to do the wrong thing.

685
00:48:00,345 --> 00:48:02,645
She's more mature than you.

686
00:48:02,647 --> 00:48:06,349
Huh? In some ways?

687
00:48:06,351 --> 00:48:08,351
I mean, maybe mature
is not the right word.

688
00:48:08,353 --> 00:48:10,887
Dad.

689
00:48:10,889 --> 00:48:16,158
You really like
this girl, don't you?

690
00:48:16,160 --> 00:48:19,262
I liked the same type.
When I was your age I did.

691
00:48:19,264 --> 00:48:23,532
But be careful, huh?
These arty girls...

692
00:48:23,534 --> 00:48:28,971
I don't wanna see you
get hurt, okay?

693
00:48:28,973 --> 00:48:31,974
All right, good talk, right?

694
00:48:31,976 --> 00:48:34,043
All right, I'll see you later.

695
00:51:10,801 --> 00:51:12,568
Hola!

696
00:51:17,274 --> 00:51:19,575
Neil, your friends
are multiplying.

697
00:51:19,577 --> 00:51:23,079
Is that a pregnant joke?

698
00:51:23,081 --> 00:51:24,413
This shit is getting super old.

699
00:51:24,415 --> 00:51:26,549
We're not letting her
do this again.

700
00:51:26,551 --> 00:51:29,185
You can say whatever you want about
me, but I'm not a fucking flake.

701
00:51:29,187 --> 00:51:31,754
- What happened?
- Mike happened.

702
00:51:31,756 --> 00:51:33,689
Fucking douchebag.

703
00:51:33,691 --> 00:51:35,357
It's a good thing
I went by there.

704
00:51:35,359 --> 00:51:37,760
- She's not gonna go?
- Oh, she's going.

705
00:51:37,762 --> 00:51:39,595
I mean, look at you.

706
00:51:39,597 --> 00:51:43,232
Look at what you do to
yourself for her, dumb ass.

707
00:51:43,234 --> 00:51:46,569
That's fine.

708
00:51:46,571 --> 00:51:49,672
I feel kind of
responsible for you.

709
00:51:49,674 --> 00:51:53,109
I mean, you're just like her
when we first met.

710
00:51:53,111 --> 00:51:54,710
I liked her 'cause she was
all smart and funny,

711
00:51:54,712 --> 00:51:56,479
and she tried so hard
to be my friend.

712
00:51:56,481 --> 00:51:58,314
And she would, like, offer
to do my homework and shit.

713
00:51:58,316 --> 00:52:00,182
And I would just make fun
of her costumes and stuff.

714
00:52:00,184 --> 00:52:03,719
You know she used to dress
like an elf, right?

715
00:52:03,721 --> 00:52:05,855
I don't know.

716
00:52:05,857 --> 00:52:09,225
I didn't think I tried
to change her.

717
00:52:09,227 --> 00:52:11,727
I mean I took her out
with Mike, and that was it.

718
00:52:11,729 --> 00:52:13,295
I guess he was like
the first normal guy

719
00:52:13,297 --> 00:52:15,898
to ever take interest in her.

720
00:52:15,900 --> 00:52:20,369
He's normal?

721
00:52:20,371 --> 00:52:22,638
Don't change for her, dude.

722
00:52:22,640 --> 00:52:25,141
Don't let her be your Mike.

723
00:52:35,619 --> 00:52:38,721
- Please be quiet, okay? My
mom's sleeping. -She here?

724
00:52:38,723 --> 00:52:40,723
- Yes.
- Then what the fuck, dude,

725
00:52:40,725 --> 00:52:42,558
- what is she doing here?
- I don't...

726
00:52:42,560 --> 00:52:45,394
She told Neil she would
take him to comic con.

727
00:52:45,396 --> 00:52:48,197
Holy shit.

728
00:52:48,199 --> 00:52:50,466
That's amazing.

729
00:52:50,468 --> 00:52:52,168
Dude.

730
00:52:52,170 --> 00:52:54,436
Oh, ho, dude, please get out.

731
00:52:54,438 --> 00:52:55,671
I need a better look at this.

732
00:52:55,673 --> 00:52:57,373
This coming from a guy
in his pajamas.

733
00:52:57,375 --> 00:52:58,841
I'm listen... I'm not
busting your balls.

734
00:52:58,843 --> 00:53:00,743
I promise you.
Just come on.

735
00:53:00,745 --> 00:53:02,378
- I need a fucking picture.
- -You're such a dick.

736
00:53:02,380 --> 00:53:03,846
I'm not the one making
a scene, okay, Martine?

737
00:53:03,848 --> 00:53:05,915
You're the one making
a scene right now.

738
00:53:05,917 --> 00:53:09,852
Come on, get up. Give me a little,
give me a little twirly twirl.

739
00:53:09,854 --> 00:53:12,855
Oh, man, I'm not nearly stoned
enough for this right now.

740
00:53:12,857 --> 00:53:15,858
Oh! What the fuck!

741
00:53:17,494 --> 00:53:19,395
Jesus!

742
00:53:19,397 --> 00:53:22,965
- I only wanted a picture, freak.
- You are the freak.

743
00:53:22,967 --> 00:53:26,235
You and your stupid
fucking mustache.

744
00:53:26,237 --> 00:53:27,603
Ow.

745
00:53:31,308 --> 00:53:35,477
Yo, bro.

746
00:53:35,479 --> 00:53:39,248
You ever see those um...
You ever see those pictures

747
00:53:39,250 --> 00:53:42,318
I took of her wearing
that elf shit?

748
00:53:42,320 --> 00:53:46,589
Well, sometimes all she wore
were those little ears.

749
00:53:48,491 --> 00:53:49,959
Yeah, those were
my special pics.

750
00:53:49,961 --> 00:53:51,660
Neil!

751
00:53:51,662 --> 00:53:54,230
Get the fuck off!

752
00:53:54,232 --> 00:53:55,864
Oh, Galadriel.

753
00:53:55,866 --> 00:53:57,600
Babe, I knew you were a nerd.

754
00:53:57,602 --> 00:53:59,835
I didn't know you were
a fucking retard.

755
00:54:02,606 --> 00:54:05,441
Whoa! Oh, shit! Oh!

756
00:54:07,377 --> 00:54:10,346
This is funny.
You're fucking crazy.

757
00:54:16,886 --> 00:54:19,955
You can't be all stoic
in that costume.

758
00:54:19,957 --> 00:54:22,558
It looks ridiculous.

759
00:54:22,560 --> 00:54:25,327
Don't worry about me.

760
00:54:25,329 --> 00:54:27,596
I am worried about driving
for three hours

761
00:54:27,598 --> 00:54:31,400
with a guilt-bot programmed
to guilt me to death.

762
00:54:33,737 --> 00:54:35,571
How can you hang out
with that guy?

763
00:54:35,573 --> 00:54:38,974
He's like everything
you pretend to hate.

764
00:54:38,976 --> 00:54:41,310
What do you mean "pretend?"

765
00:54:41,312 --> 00:54:43,545
Nothing.
Just forget it.

766
00:54:47,751 --> 00:54:51,720
You are acting like a really
jealous boyfriend right now.

767
00:54:51,722 --> 00:54:52,955
Well, I'm not your boyfriend.

768
00:54:52,957 --> 00:54:55,057
Yeah, you're not.

769
00:55:04,067 --> 00:55:07,903
Hey, I'm sorry.

770
00:55:07,905 --> 00:55:10,839
Okay, I know...
I know that Mike

771
00:55:10,841 --> 00:55:12,841
brings out the worst in me.

772
00:55:15,979 --> 00:55:18,080
You have to admit,
it was, like, really cool

773
00:55:18,082 --> 00:55:20,316
when you knocked him down.

774
00:55:20,318 --> 00:55:21,950
Fucker.

775
00:55:26,056 --> 00:55:28,057
I have to tell you something.

776
00:55:28,059 --> 00:55:30,826
About the live read.

777
00:55:30,828 --> 00:55:33,462
I know already.
I saw.

778
00:55:33,464 --> 00:55:35,931
It was posted on the forum.

779
00:55:35,933 --> 00:55:39,601
Congrats.
I told you it was good.

780
00:55:39,603 --> 00:55:44,907
- Did they write you?
- Mm-hmm, yeah.

781
00:55:44,909 --> 00:55:49,111
They said something about
the number of slots.

782
00:55:49,113 --> 00:55:51,113
Politics again.

783
00:55:51,115 --> 00:55:54,450
Politics.

784
00:55:54,452 --> 00:55:57,019
I'm really glad that you
transcended all of that.

785
00:56:01,858 --> 00:56:04,126
Yeah.

786
00:56:35,091 --> 00:56:36,558
Welcome to comic con.

787
00:56:36,560 --> 00:56:39,027
What name is
your reservation under?

788
00:56:39,029 --> 00:56:42,030
How do you know we're here
for comic con?

789
00:56:42,032 --> 00:56:45,067
Emily Bronte.

790
00:56:45,069 --> 00:56:47,403
All right, miss Bronte,

791
00:56:47,405 --> 00:56:49,772
I have you down
for a single king?

792
00:56:49,774 --> 00:56:52,541
Oh, can we get two beds?

793
00:56:52,543 --> 00:56:54,710
Unfortunately,
we're at capacity.

794
00:56:54,712 --> 00:56:58,046
That's okay.
We'll sleep together.

795
00:57:03,520 --> 00:57:06,054
Swanky.

796
00:57:06,056 --> 00:57:07,489
It's big.

797
00:57:13,463 --> 00:57:15,664
Come here.
Try this out!

798
00:57:19,102 --> 00:57:21,503
I don't wanna mess up
my costume.

799
00:58:02,078 --> 00:58:03,946
Did you talk to them yet?

800
00:58:03,948 --> 00:58:06,482
No, do I need to?

801
00:58:06,484 --> 00:58:07,950
You're reading tomorrow.

802
00:58:07,952 --> 00:58:09,885
If it were me, I would be
checking up on like

803
00:58:09,887 --> 00:58:12,187
the order of the lineup
and how much time I have,

804
00:58:12,189 --> 00:58:14,022
and how I'm gonna
be taped and shit.

805
00:58:14,024 --> 00:58:16,124
Taped?
Why would they tape it?

806
00:58:16,126 --> 00:58:17,793
I don't want to be on tape.

807
00:58:17,795 --> 00:58:19,561
That's normal, okay?
You need to relax.

808
00:58:19,563 --> 00:58:21,096
You're so fucking nuts.

809
00:58:21,098 --> 00:58:22,798
Jesus.

810
00:58:30,707 --> 00:58:32,875
What's with you? You
look like how I look

811
00:58:32,877 --> 00:58:34,157
when I'm trying
to avoid someone.

812
00:58:38,681 --> 00:58:41,183
Okay, so we have the opening
night party tonight.

813
00:58:41,185 --> 00:58:44,286
And then tomorrow we have
writer Evals 'til five,

814
00:58:44,288 --> 00:58:48,557
then the slash mixer,
and then the live read.

815
00:58:48,559 --> 00:58:51,827
Hello!
Person talking to you I.R.L.

816
00:58:51,829 --> 00:58:56,798
Sorry. Um... i have to
go to the bathroom.

817
00:58:56,800 --> 00:58:58,166
You're just going to gawk
at your phone somewhere

818
00:58:58,168 --> 00:59:01,670
where I can't give you
shit about it.

819
00:59:01,672 --> 00:59:04,706
- Fine, I'll leave it. -No,
don't do it for me, dude.

820
00:59:04,708 --> 00:59:06,308
I'm just trying to bust you out

821
00:59:06,310 --> 00:59:09,678
of your self-induced
social media prison.

822
00:59:09,680 --> 00:59:11,914
You've really opened my eyes.

823
00:59:11,916 --> 00:59:13,749
Throw off the shackles!

824
00:59:13,751 --> 00:59:15,651
Throw 'em off!

825
00:59:22,091 --> 00:59:24,960
Wizards man.
Wand-on-wand action.

826
00:59:24,962 --> 00:59:26,261
That's what the readers want.

827
00:59:26,263 --> 00:59:27,663
It's casting a spell on my wand,

828
00:59:27,665 --> 00:59:29,197
- I'll tell you that.
- Yeah.

829
00:59:29,199 --> 00:59:31,333
But that Harry-Draco genre,
that's getting old.

830
00:59:31,335 --> 00:59:34,636
Now what I'm into is that
Snape-Dumbledore fic.

831
00:59:34,638 --> 00:59:36,705
Wow, that is literally old.

832
00:59:36,707 --> 00:59:38,607
I didn't realize you
were into octogenarians?

833
00:59:38,609 --> 00:59:41,243
Yeah, well, uh, vanguard
is no spring chicken.

834
00:59:41,245 --> 00:59:42,578
Easy.

835
00:59:42,580 --> 00:59:44,146
Well, usually.

836
00:59:47,116 --> 00:59:48,684
Hey.

837
00:59:50,987 --> 00:59:53,322
Oh, did you read
that story I sent you,

838
00:59:53,324 --> 00:59:54,723
"panty raid at Slytherin"?

839
00:59:54,725 --> 00:59:56,091
Oh, yeah, dude.
I called my mom.

840
00:59:56,093 --> 00:59:57,793
I read it out loud.

841
01:00:05,802 --> 01:00:07,769
Finally.
Come on.

842
01:00:07,771 --> 01:00:09,605
We got business to conduct.

843
01:00:19,716 --> 01:00:21,783
I think I'd rather
go look at comics.

844
01:00:23,152 --> 01:00:24,853
Neil, this is toho.

845
01:00:28,257 --> 01:00:30,092
What are you drinking?

846
01:00:30,094 --> 01:00:31,793
I dunno. Toho?

847
01:00:31,795 --> 01:00:35,397
Uh, hmmm... is blue.

848
01:00:35,399 --> 01:00:37,399
It's blue.
Works for me.

849
01:00:41,638 --> 01:00:44,640
That is a sick vanguard costume

850
01:00:44,642 --> 01:00:46,108
you've got there, bro.

851
01:00:46,110 --> 01:00:48,677
Is that from
"Kragon's war?"

852
01:00:48,679 --> 01:00:51,413
Anyways, so...
My name is Hagoff Paul

853
01:00:51,415 --> 01:00:54,783
and this is a little greeting.

854
01:00:56,119 --> 01:00:57,653
Is that?

855
01:00:57,655 --> 01:00:59,154
Is that LSD?

856
01:00:59,156 --> 01:01:02,024
For the party tonight, playboy.

857
01:01:02,026 --> 01:01:04,660
It's Molly. Mdma?

858
01:01:04,662 --> 01:01:07,195
- No, no.
- It looks like acid.

859
01:01:07,197 --> 01:01:08,430
It's ecstasy.

860
01:01:08,432 --> 01:01:10,065
Have you ever done that before?

861
01:01:10,067 --> 01:01:12,668
No, but I want to.

862
01:01:12,670 --> 01:01:14,770
That stuff stays
in your system forever.

863
01:01:14,772 --> 01:01:17,272
Have you ever heard
of an acid flashback?

864
01:01:17,274 --> 01:01:19,074
Look, I don't want
to wake up in a year

865
01:01:19,076 --> 01:01:21,677
and stab my parents to death
with a kitchen knife, okay?

866
01:01:21,679 --> 01:01:22,844
Well, that makes one of us.

867
01:01:22,846 --> 01:01:24,446
What if it ruins
the whole weekend?

868
01:01:24,448 --> 01:01:26,815
What if we miss the live reading

869
01:01:26,817 --> 01:01:29,184
because we're in the hospital
getting our stomach's pumped?

870
01:01:29,186 --> 01:01:30,952
We are going to a party

871
01:01:30,954 --> 01:01:34,056
with all sorts of lights
and costumes, okay?

872
01:01:34,058 --> 01:01:37,059
- Do you normally go to
parties, Neil? -No.

873
01:01:37,061 --> 01:01:41,296
- Do you like to mingle?
- No.

874
01:01:41,298 --> 01:01:43,865
- Open your mouth, playboy.
- No... Julia.

875
01:01:43,867 --> 01:01:46,334
There we go.

876
01:01:46,336 --> 01:01:49,004
Oh, whatever you do,
don't swallow.

877
01:01:49,006 --> 01:01:53,108
What will happen
if I swallow it?

878
01:02:22,305 --> 01:02:24,940
I'm hallucinating!

879
01:02:24,942 --> 01:02:26,875
It's not acid!

880
01:02:35,785 --> 01:02:37,953
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
Hold her there.

881
01:02:37,955 --> 01:02:39,387
Off, off, off, off.

882
01:02:41,858 --> 01:02:43,992
- I'm sick.
- Okay.

883
01:02:58,341 --> 01:03:02,511
I'm so stoned.

884
01:03:02,513 --> 01:03:04,513
Stoned on acid.

885
01:03:05,848 --> 01:03:07,415
I mean, Molly...

886
01:03:15,191 --> 01:03:19,895
This must be like
every day for Madonna.

887
01:03:22,398 --> 01:03:24,199
Here.
Drink some water.

888
01:03:24,201 --> 01:03:26,268
Oh, okay.

889
01:03:29,872 --> 01:03:31,106
Oh.

890
01:03:33,176 --> 01:03:37,312
You're safe now. You're
in a totally safe place.

891
01:03:49,058 --> 01:03:51,326
What?

892
01:03:51,328 --> 01:03:56,097
I don't know if I've uh...

893
01:03:56,099 --> 01:03:58,266
Ever been attracted
to anyone before you.

894
01:04:02,438 --> 01:04:08,210
You mean any girl.

895
01:04:08,212 --> 01:04:10,011
Any human being.

896
01:04:16,185 --> 01:04:21,156
What are you
attracted to about me?

897
01:04:21,158 --> 01:04:25,627
I'm not ashamed
of myself with you.

898
01:04:39,175 --> 01:04:41,042
Should I have done that?

899
01:04:41,044 --> 01:04:43,144
I don't know if I should
have done that.

900
01:04:50,086 --> 01:04:52,120
Pants.

901
01:05:43,940 --> 01:05:48,076
- Are you doing your homework?
- No.

902
01:05:58,521 --> 01:06:01,323
"Julia tugged at his pants,

903
01:06:01,325 --> 01:06:06,461
sliding them down
ever so slowly."

904
01:06:06,463 --> 01:06:09,431
Okay, if you're gonna
write about us,

905
01:06:09,433 --> 01:06:15,236
you need to use some modifiers.

906
01:06:15,238 --> 01:06:18,707
"Julia tugged
at his tight pants,

907
01:06:18,709 --> 01:06:23,044
sliding them off painfully slow.

908
01:06:23,046 --> 01:06:27,549
Savoring the moment
the heightened

909
01:06:27,551 --> 01:06:29,417
pleasure involved."

910
01:06:32,989 --> 01:06:37,392
I'm glad you decided
to branch out.

911
01:06:57,313 --> 01:07:01,583
You're a tough one
to figure out.

912
01:07:01,585 --> 01:07:03,184
No, I'm not.

913
01:08:19,495 --> 01:08:21,796
Hi, you've reached
Julia's voicemail.

914
01:08:21,798 --> 01:08:24,165
I probably don't want
to talk to you.

915
01:09:03,573 --> 01:09:05,440
Hi, you've reached
Julia's voicemail.

916
01:09:05,442 --> 01:09:06,841
I probably...

917
01:09:29,632 --> 01:09:34,335
The alliteration is good,
but you use it way too much.

918
01:09:34,337 --> 01:09:37,639
Yeah, it's sort of my crutch.

919
01:09:37,641 --> 01:09:41,176
And the allegory is a bit
on-the-nose.

920
01:09:41,178 --> 01:09:46,281
Oh, I actually thought it was more
of a metaphor than an allegory.

921
01:09:46,283 --> 01:09:50,185
Uh, do you know
what an allegory is?

922
01:09:50,187 --> 01:09:52,887
Look, you're okay.
Uh, and you're female.

923
01:09:52,889 --> 01:09:54,856
We need more women in our field.

924
01:09:54,858 --> 01:09:59,894
Most of them are pretty ugly.
Unlike you.

925
01:09:59,896 --> 01:10:03,831
You can have a career. Writing
is more than just writing.

926
01:10:03,833 --> 01:10:05,767
There are other factors.

927
01:10:13,275 --> 01:10:15,376
Dude, I want
to show you something.

928
01:10:15,378 --> 01:10:19,581
It's a...
It's a Tijuana Bible.

929
01:10:19,583 --> 01:10:22,250
It's quite the important
artifact.

930
01:10:22,252 --> 01:10:25,220
Mexicans are far more
sexually liberated.

931
01:10:28,791 --> 01:10:30,992
What's with the look?

932
01:10:30,994 --> 01:10:33,795
You just left this morning.

933
01:10:33,797 --> 01:10:35,830
Yeah, I was getting a critique.

934
01:10:35,832 --> 01:10:39,901
I mean, that's why we're here.
To meet the pros.

935
01:10:41,870 --> 01:10:43,338
I'm sorry.
Hey.

936
01:10:43,340 --> 01:10:45,340
I have to go meet someone.

937
01:10:45,342 --> 01:10:48,876
Who?
Denis?

938
01:10:48,878 --> 01:10:50,578
Sorry, I looked
through your phone.

939
01:10:50,580 --> 01:10:54,549
I didn't think
that you would care.

940
01:10:54,551 --> 01:10:57,552
Hey... don't!
Don't do that.

941
01:10:57,554 --> 01:11:01,756
- What's your deal?
- Nothing.

942
01:11:01,758 --> 01:11:06,561
Don't get all weird on me
just because we messed around.

943
01:11:06,563 --> 01:11:08,630
Why did you rip up our pages?

944
01:11:08,632 --> 01:11:10,331
I don't know.
We were zonked.

945
01:11:10,333 --> 01:11:11,766
We wrote some crazy shit, okay?

946
01:11:11,768 --> 01:11:14,669
I didn't want it
just floating around.

947
01:11:14,671 --> 01:11:18,773
So last night
was just the drugs?

948
01:11:18,775 --> 01:11:21,576
You have been hiding
this Denis guy from me.

949
01:11:21,578 --> 01:11:24,045
I didn't even think
that you were straight.

950
01:11:34,923 --> 01:11:38,593
Can you hear me now?
How about now?

951
01:11:38,595 --> 01:11:41,996
I'll check my bars.

952
01:11:41,998 --> 01:11:43,564
That's better.

953
01:12:00,716 --> 01:12:03,084
Oh, I'm sorry.
This is age restricted.

954
01:12:07,589 --> 01:12:08,623
Hi.

955
01:12:08,625 --> 01:12:10,591
Oh, my god, Neil.

956
01:12:10,593 --> 01:12:12,460
Oh, I'm so sorry.

957
01:12:12,462 --> 01:12:17,765
I uh... I didn't expect you
to look uh, so young.

958
01:12:17,767 --> 01:12:20,001
- Uh, do you wanna see my ID?
- No, no, no, no.

959
01:12:20,003 --> 01:12:22,470
No, I'm sorry, believe me,
I looked young

960
01:12:22,472 --> 01:12:26,007
when I was your age, too.
Uh, when I was 18.

961
01:12:26,009 --> 01:12:29,844
- You still look young.
- Oh, well, thank you.

962
01:12:29,846 --> 01:12:34,115
Oh, my god, it's just so great
to uh, finally meet you,

963
01:12:34,117 --> 01:12:37,518
in the flesh, so to speak, um...

964
01:12:37,520 --> 01:12:40,722
- Yeah.
- Yeah.

965
01:12:40,724 --> 01:12:44,425
- Oh, yes, of course.
Shall we? -Yeah.

966
01:12:58,807 --> 01:13:01,376
You're staring.
Virgins stare.

967
01:13:01,378 --> 01:13:05,713
- They do? -Yeah,
well, con virgins.

968
01:13:05,715 --> 01:13:09,117
Yeah, it's just so weird now
that it's all in 3-d.

969
01:13:09,119 --> 01:13:12,854
Yeah, I know.
Internet rule 34.

970
01:13:12,856 --> 01:13:15,690
If it exists there's porn of it.

971
01:13:15,692 --> 01:13:18,760
Just when you think
you've seen it all.

972
01:13:18,762 --> 01:13:21,562
I just discovered what
a curtain fic is.

973
01:13:21,564 --> 01:13:23,030
- Curtain fic?
- Mm-hmm.

974
01:13:23,032 --> 01:13:26,634
I mean, okay, so,
this is aimed at older gays.

975
01:13:26,636 --> 01:13:27,902
Of course they're
like post-sex,

976
01:13:27,904 --> 01:13:30,438
proto-nesting,
domestic fetishists.

977
01:13:30,440 --> 01:13:33,775
And so normally where you'd
have like kirk and Spock,

978
01:13:33,777 --> 01:13:36,177
you know, making love,

979
01:13:36,179 --> 01:13:41,516
uh, in this case, it's couples having
these like lavish shopping sprees

980
01:13:41,518 --> 01:13:43,851
at pottery barn.
For curtains.

981
01:13:43,853 --> 01:13:45,787
They sell curtains
at pottery barn?

982
01:13:45,789 --> 01:13:48,489
They sell everything
at pottery barn.

983
01:13:48,491 --> 01:13:51,159
I mean, you know, it's mostly
harmless I guess,

984
01:13:51,161 --> 01:13:54,128
but not all of it is...

985
01:13:54,130 --> 01:13:56,898
And you really need
to watch out for creeps,

986
01:13:56,900 --> 01:13:59,066
especially at your age.

987
01:13:59,068 --> 01:14:02,203
- But you're not a creep.
- No, I'm not a creep,

988
01:14:02,205 --> 01:14:04,806
but isn't that exactly
what a creep would say?

989
01:14:12,948 --> 01:14:15,049
Oh, I thought you came alone.

990
01:14:15,051 --> 01:14:17,652
Oh, Jesus, speaking of creepy.

991
01:14:17,654 --> 01:14:19,520
I came with a friend.

992
01:14:19,522 --> 01:14:22,857
Oh, and does he write slash?

993
01:14:22,859 --> 01:14:24,859
She.
And yeah.

994
01:14:24,861 --> 01:14:27,228
You know, actually, I think
she's in regular writing today.

995
01:14:27,230 --> 01:14:28,896
Oh, regular writing.

996
01:14:28,898 --> 01:14:32,667
- Denis. -Oh, Ronnie,
hey, um, this is Neil.

997
01:14:32,669 --> 01:14:35,470
- He's one of our new writers.
- Oh, yeah, I bet.

998
01:14:35,472 --> 01:14:38,239
Ronnie Harwood. I'm senior
writer at the rabbit's hole.

999
01:14:38,241 --> 01:14:40,541
So some of the inner circle
are gonna go out

1000
01:14:40,543 --> 01:14:41,876
for an early dinner
before the reading.

1001
01:14:41,878 --> 01:14:43,211
- Are you game?
- Yeah.

1002
01:14:43,213 --> 01:14:46,581
You can bring your
new little friend.

1003
01:14:48,551 --> 01:14:51,886
Everybody agrees
that Batman blowing Robin

1004
01:14:51,888 --> 01:14:54,121
and Robin blowing Batman
is totally played out,

1005
01:14:54,123 --> 01:14:56,491
but now I'm seeing
Christian bale's Batman

1006
01:14:56,493 --> 01:14:58,593
blowing Ben Affleck as Batman.

1007
01:14:58,595 --> 01:14:59,894
Blowing Val Kilmer.

1008
01:14:59,896 --> 01:15:01,529
Oh, that's really hot.

1009
01:15:17,179 --> 01:15:19,247
I got a cease and desist
from Warner's last week,

1010
01:15:19,249 --> 01:15:20,848
so obviously I'm doing
something right.

1011
01:15:20,850 --> 01:15:25,152
Yeah, you're moving up
in the world.

1012
01:15:25,154 --> 01:15:27,221
What kind of slash do you write?

1013
01:15:27,223 --> 01:15:29,690
You've been to our website,
it's easy enough to find.

1014
01:15:31,126 --> 01:15:32,727
Right.

1015
01:15:32,729 --> 01:15:34,195
I'm guessing this
is your first con,

1016
01:15:34,197 --> 01:15:35,897
since you're what, he's 18?

1017
01:15:35,899 --> 01:15:37,932
- Mm-hmm.
- Yeah, 18.

1018
01:15:37,934 --> 01:15:39,934
Hmm.

1019
01:15:39,936 --> 01:15:42,703
I was editing
the R.P.F. Board today.

1020
01:15:42,705 --> 01:15:44,305
I'll never get
all the Bieber fic.

1021
01:15:44,307 --> 01:15:47,275
Neil, are you
into Justin Bieber?

1022
01:15:48,844 --> 01:15:50,545
What's R.P.F.?

1023
01:15:50,547 --> 01:15:53,147
R.P.F. Is real people fiction
or celebrity slash.

1024
01:15:53,149 --> 01:15:55,583
Slash about, you know, celebs.

1025
01:15:55,585 --> 01:15:57,552
Oh, oh, like the Bronte sisters.

1026
01:15:57,554 --> 01:15:58,953
They wrote stories
about Napoleon

1027
01:15:58,955 --> 01:16:00,254
and the Duke of Wellington.

1028
01:16:00,256 --> 01:16:02,156
Yeah, I mean,
it's pretty old school,

1029
01:16:02,158 --> 01:16:05,226
but now it's mostly just like
pointless boy band orgies.

1030
01:16:05,228 --> 01:16:08,696
Yeah, and juvenile regressives
are popping up all over.

1031
01:16:08,698 --> 01:16:11,799
Speaking of... How long
have you slashed vanguard?

1032
01:16:11,801 --> 01:16:14,835
Oh, vanguard is juvenile,
but trek and Tolkien, that's...

1033
01:16:14,837 --> 01:16:16,871
It's all about audience
and intent, Denis.

1034
01:16:16,873 --> 01:16:18,906
This is first year stuff.

1035
01:16:18,908 --> 01:16:22,176
Vanguard doesn't play to
the 40-plus crowd, our base.

1036
01:16:22,178 --> 01:16:24,579
Besides, it's not our mission
to indoctrinate children.

1037
01:16:24,581 --> 01:16:26,747
It's not our mission
to indoctrinate anyone.

1038
01:16:26,749 --> 01:16:29,150
I read Tolkien when I was eight.

1039
01:16:29,152 --> 01:16:32,119
Yes, and Denis loves
his vanguard.

1040
01:16:32,121 --> 01:16:34,121
Ronnie prefers
her masturbation material

1041
01:16:34,123 --> 01:16:36,591
to stem from bad
'60s television.

1042
01:16:36,593 --> 01:16:38,125
You ever see
"the Brady bunch," dude?

1043
01:16:38,127 --> 01:16:40,695
Really, Freddie?
He's a child.

1044
01:16:40,697 --> 01:16:43,864
Mainstream success has no bearing
on our field. Never has.

1045
01:16:43,866 --> 01:16:46,167
What we do know
is juvenile fiction

1046
01:16:46,169 --> 01:16:48,736
begets juvenile erotica.

1047
01:16:48,738 --> 01:16:52,239
Let me be frank. You write
sex like a 12-year-old

1048
01:16:52,241 --> 01:16:55,910
and I think you know it. It's like you
found all these provocative words

1049
01:16:55,912 --> 01:16:57,878
and just tossed them
into a text editor.

1050
01:16:57,880 --> 01:16:59,180
Have you ever even had sex?

1051
01:16:59,182 --> 01:17:01,148
I doubt half our writers
have had sex.

1052
01:17:01,150 --> 01:17:02,783
- Let me see your ID.
- Ronnie.

1053
01:17:02,785 --> 01:17:04,185
Well, I don't know
about you, Denis,

1054
01:17:04,187 --> 01:17:05,353
but I don't want to go to jail.

1055
01:17:05,355 --> 01:17:07,989
Nobody's going to jail.
Jesus!

1056
01:17:07,991 --> 01:17:10,157
Neil, come on.
It's fine. Sit down.

1057
01:17:10,159 --> 01:17:13,060
Yeah, it's fine
if he ponies up an ID.

1058
01:17:13,062 --> 01:17:15,029
I remember now.

1059
01:17:15,031 --> 01:17:18,132
You wrote all that really gross
Mike and Greg Brady fic.

1060
01:17:18,134 --> 01:17:19,634
What's your point?

1061
01:17:19,636 --> 01:17:21,936
I thought you liked sex
with 12-year-olds.

1062
01:17:21,938 --> 01:17:23,371
If it's written maturely.

1063
01:17:29,378 --> 01:17:30,911
Nice.

1064
01:17:47,696 --> 01:17:50,965
Are you really 18?

1065
01:17:50,967 --> 01:17:52,900
Neil, Neil, come on, stop.

1066
01:17:52,902 --> 01:17:54,201
Stop, stop, stop.
I'm sorry.

1067
01:17:54,203 --> 01:17:56,404
I'm sorry.

1068
01:17:56,406 --> 01:18:01,075
Look, Ronnie, I mean, you know,
she's like that with everybody.

1069
01:18:01,077 --> 01:18:02,877
It's not you.

1070
01:18:09,384 --> 01:18:12,920
Oh, um.

1071
01:18:19,761 --> 01:18:21,228
Let's go someplace else.

1072
01:18:39,214 --> 01:18:42,116
Wait, wait, wait,
wait. Wait.

1073
01:18:42,118 --> 01:18:45,486
It just...
This doesn't feel right.

1074
01:18:45,488 --> 01:18:47,755
Why?

1075
01:18:47,757 --> 01:18:52,960
Look, I'm not gonna be mad,
I'm not be upset or anything.

1076
01:18:52,962 --> 01:18:55,396
I need you to tell me
how old you are.

1077
01:18:55,398 --> 01:18:58,065
- I already told you.
- I know, I know.

1078
01:18:58,067 --> 01:18:59,767
Tell me again.

1079
01:19:08,977 --> 01:19:12,012
- 15.
- 15? Oh, fuck!

1080
01:19:12,014 --> 01:19:14,215
I'll be 16 in November.

1081
01:19:14,217 --> 01:19:20,087
- Please don't reject me.
- Dude, this is wrong.

1082
01:19:20,089 --> 01:19:22,823
I know it is.

1083
01:19:22,825 --> 01:19:24,759
This is just
the second time today.

1084
01:19:24,761 --> 01:19:27,061
- I could go to jail.
- I won't tell anyone.

1085
01:19:27,063 --> 01:19:29,864
Did you just tell me you were 18 so
you could get into the live reading?

1086
01:19:29,866 --> 01:19:31,932
- No! -What do you
even want from me?

1087
01:19:34,169 --> 01:19:36,337
I just thought
it'd be different.

1088
01:19:36,339 --> 01:19:38,339
Here with you.

1089
01:19:46,114 --> 01:19:47,815
I'm sorry.

1090
01:19:50,118 --> 01:19:51,485
I'm sorry.

1091
01:19:53,889 --> 01:19:56,857
You actually remind me
a lot of myself.

1092
01:20:00,095 --> 01:20:03,297
- You turned out okay.
- Did I?

1093
01:20:03,299 --> 01:20:05,399
I shot off a series
of insane messages

1094
01:20:05,401 --> 01:20:07,468
to somebody I didn't know
the first thing about.

1095
01:20:07,470 --> 01:20:10,471
I said things I would never
say to somebody face to face.

1096
01:20:10,473 --> 01:20:12,406
Ever.

1097
01:20:12,408 --> 01:20:14,275
You know, outside of like cons,

1098
01:20:14,277 --> 01:20:16,343
I have practically
zero social skills.

1099
01:20:16,345 --> 01:20:18,412
My mother always said it's
going to get me in trouble,

1100
01:20:18,414 --> 01:20:21,215
and now here I am. And yes,
incidentally, I live with my mother,

1101
01:20:21,217 --> 01:20:23,551
in the house where I
grew up, in Saginaw.

1102
01:20:23,553 --> 01:20:27,888
So, you know, don't be
too sure about things.

1103
01:20:34,930 --> 01:20:38,265
You live with your mom?

1104
01:20:52,914 --> 01:20:55,282
Stop. Stop. Stop.

1105
01:20:55,284 --> 01:20:59,286
Stop.

1106
01:21:10,332 --> 01:21:14,301
You said this was
the second time.

1107
01:21:14,303 --> 01:21:16,170
It it someone in our group?

1108
01:21:19,241 --> 01:21:23,577
Was it that girl
you came here with?

1109
01:21:23,579 --> 01:21:27,948
Yeah, well. I thought
you might be straight.

1110
01:21:27,950 --> 01:21:32,152
- I might not be. -Well, this
isn't the way to find out.

1111
01:21:32,154 --> 01:21:35,623
You have time. You're writing.
Focus on that.

1112
01:21:35,625 --> 01:21:37,458
How can I focus on something

1113
01:21:37,460 --> 01:21:38,926
I'm not even old enough to do?

1114
01:21:38,928 --> 01:21:42,663
Well, what do you want to do?

1115
01:21:42,665 --> 01:21:44,298
You want to be a writer?

1116
01:21:44,300 --> 01:21:46,600
A real writer, not fan fic?

1117
01:21:53,975 --> 01:21:56,410
You're good.

1118
01:21:56,412 --> 01:21:58,946
Keep writing and let
the rest of the stuff

1119
01:21:58,948 --> 01:22:00,547
sort itself out naturally.

1120
01:22:05,086 --> 01:22:07,187
I wish somebody had told me
that when I was your age.

1121
01:22:15,597 --> 01:22:19,466
Well, you better go.
It's about time.

1122
01:22:19,468 --> 01:22:21,068
I don't know what the right
thing to do here is.

1123
01:22:21,070 --> 01:22:24,138
I wanna make sure you're okay.

1124
01:22:24,140 --> 01:22:26,941
Well, I know you have to go.

1125
01:22:26,943 --> 01:22:30,177
I am the moderator.

1126
01:22:30,179 --> 01:22:33,047
I mean, you don't have
to worry, I'm not coming.

1127
01:22:33,049 --> 01:22:35,449
I can't, not now.

1128
01:22:35,451 --> 01:22:40,587
Not right now.
I wish it wasn't this way.

1129
01:22:40,589 --> 01:22:43,657
You know, for what it's worth,

1130
01:22:43,659 --> 01:22:47,328
I think you want to be queer.

1131
01:22:47,330 --> 01:22:49,396
Why would anyone want that?

1132
01:22:49,398 --> 01:22:51,665
To fit in,

1133
01:22:51,667 --> 01:22:54,001
even some place small.

1134
01:22:58,373 --> 01:23:00,240
I'll see you around.

1135
01:23:20,762 --> 01:23:22,763
You came back?

1136
01:23:28,636 --> 01:23:30,471
The live read's about to start.

1137
01:23:32,407 --> 01:23:33,741
You should be there.

1138
01:23:38,513 --> 01:23:44,151
I came back for you.

1139
01:23:44,153 --> 01:23:45,619
You don't get it.

1140
01:23:45,621 --> 01:23:49,423
You submitted once
and they're like,

1141
01:23:49,425 --> 01:23:52,760
"hey, come read it
on stage."

1142
01:23:52,762 --> 01:23:57,698
I have like 500 things
posted up there.

1143
01:24:01,469 --> 01:24:03,570
I know.

1144
01:24:03,572 --> 01:24:05,406
I've read every one of them.

1145
01:24:11,713 --> 01:24:16,083
It's hard caring about someone.

1146
01:24:17,352 --> 01:24:20,354
Letting them care about you.

1147
01:24:23,224 --> 01:24:25,292
It doesn't have to be hard.

1148
01:24:32,434 --> 01:24:34,435
I love you.

1149
01:24:43,378 --> 01:24:45,345
I kissed him.

1150
01:24:46,614 --> 01:24:48,449
That Denis guy?

1151
01:24:53,621 --> 01:24:58,459
I'm not going to the live read.

1152
01:24:58,461 --> 01:25:01,495
- You have to.
- I can't.

1153
01:25:01,497 --> 01:25:04,731
Neil, please, for both of us.

1154
01:25:04,733 --> 01:25:07,668
Fuck those crusty old assholes.

1155
01:25:10,438 --> 01:25:13,507
I followed you
into the restaurant

1156
01:25:13,509 --> 01:25:16,577
when you weren't
answering my calls.

1157
01:25:16,579 --> 01:25:20,147
I'm sorry that lady
is such an asshole.

1158
01:25:23,518 --> 01:25:28,622
Look, they only win
if you let them.

1159
01:25:28,624 --> 01:25:31,859
You are a featured
fucking story, dude.

1160
01:25:31,861 --> 01:25:34,161
You made it!

1161
01:25:34,163 --> 01:25:37,464
We're doing this.
You and me together.

1162
01:25:37,466 --> 01:25:40,767
I am your goddamn coach.

1163
01:25:43,138 --> 01:25:45,372
Okay?

1164
01:25:47,175 --> 01:25:49,209
As they entered the nexiverse,

1165
01:25:49,211 --> 01:25:52,880
Gandalf, his penis
now longer than his staff,

1166
01:25:52,882 --> 01:25:56,717
tuned... turned
to Dumbledore,

1167
01:25:56,719 --> 01:25:59,620
"Dumbledore,"
he said to Dumbledore,

1168
01:25:59,622 --> 01:26:03,357
"only the energy
of our mutual orgasm,

1169
01:26:03,359 --> 01:26:05,859
combined with unbroken
eye contact

1170
01:26:05,861 --> 01:26:09,863
can close the door
to the nexiverse,

1171
01:26:09,865 --> 01:26:14,434
thus stopping the combined
armies of Sauron and Voldemort.

1172
01:26:14,436 --> 01:26:17,771
Without a moment's thought,
Dumbledore selflessly

1173
01:26:17,773 --> 01:26:20,641
gave of his own manhood,

1174
01:26:20,643 --> 01:26:23,777
placing the head
of his pounding penis

1175
01:26:23,779 --> 01:26:28,916
against that of the wise old
wizard from alt middle earth,

1176
01:26:28,918 --> 01:26:33,387
like in Ghostbusters.

1177
01:26:33,389 --> 01:26:36,423
- End of chapter seven.

1178
01:26:40,695 --> 01:26:43,397
Okay, that was gan-dum 69

1179
01:26:43,399 --> 01:26:46,867
with "hole pluggers
of the nexiverse."

1180
01:26:46,869 --> 01:26:50,671
And who doesn't like some good
old-fashioned wizard-on-wizard action?

1181
01:26:50,673 --> 01:26:53,440
One more time for her,
gan-dum 69.

1182
01:26:59,280 --> 01:27:01,348
Um...

1183
01:27:01,350 --> 01:27:03,750
So-uh, I think everybody
knows my feelings

1184
01:27:03,752 --> 01:27:07,354
about what we do
and the purpose it serves.

1185
01:27:07,356 --> 01:27:11,225
Often we're treated like freaks.

1186
01:27:11,227 --> 01:27:13,660
Especially those of us
who are a little bit older.

1187
01:27:13,662 --> 01:27:16,997
- And uh, still doing this.

1188
01:27:16,999 --> 01:27:20,834
Um... and when we're away
from this little community

1189
01:27:20,836 --> 01:27:23,570
that we've created
for ourselves,

1190
01:27:23,572 --> 01:27:26,506
you know, we're outsiders,
and we're weirdoes,

1191
01:27:26,508 --> 01:27:31,445
and we're sexual deviants,

1192
01:27:31,447 --> 01:27:34,514
but not here.

1193
01:27:34,516 --> 01:27:38,018
Our next reader is a young man

1194
01:27:38,020 --> 01:27:41,355
that I have been following
with much interest.

1195
01:27:41,357 --> 01:27:44,725
And not just because
he writes vanguard.

1196
01:27:44,727 --> 01:27:48,262
Please welcome to the stage,
Van fan 42.

1197
01:28:12,287 --> 01:28:15,589
Um, this is called...

1198
01:28:17,625 --> 01:28:20,427
"Shore leave
on dreenan four."

1199
01:28:23,865 --> 01:28:25,766
"The balmy tropic
weather patterns

1200
01:28:25,768 --> 01:28:30,304
of dreenan four gave cause
for the indigenous proxans

1201
01:28:30,306 --> 01:28:33,607
to wear very little
in the way of attire.

1202
01:28:33,609 --> 01:28:36,943
This year with the elliptical
orbit pulling them closer

1203
01:28:36,945 --> 01:28:38,612
than ever to dreenan prime,

1204
01:28:38,614 --> 01:28:42,649
clothing was more
a hardship than an option.

1205
01:28:42,651 --> 01:28:44,985
Vanguard found himself unarmored

1206
01:28:44,987 --> 01:28:46,987
on the beaches of the Zaraug

1207
01:28:46,989 --> 01:28:49,790
during what seemed to be
a religious mating ritual.

1208
01:28:49,792 --> 01:28:52,392
'Do you happen to know
where they keep the towels?'

1209
01:28:52,394 --> 01:28:55,729
a lean, naked proxon inquired.

1210
01:28:55,731 --> 01:28:58,398
His supple manhood stood proud

1211
01:28:58,400 --> 01:29:00,967
against the harsh light
of dreenan prime.

1212
01:29:06,941 --> 01:29:10,344
The proxon boy repeated himself,

1213
01:29:10,346 --> 01:29:12,579
'well, do you?'

1214
01:29:12,581 --> 01:29:16,049
vanguard's hand now pumped
his stone cock."

1215
01:29:16,051 --> 01:29:19,052
He's 15.

1216
01:29:23,791 --> 01:29:25,759
You're outsiders.

1217
01:29:25,761 --> 01:29:29,363
You were supposed to support
other outsiders.

1218
01:29:29,365 --> 01:29:32,566
I mean, you guys write
ninja turtle bondage porn

1219
01:29:32,568 --> 01:29:34,601
and you're judging?

1220
01:29:34,603 --> 01:29:37,604
He just poured out his sad,
pathetic heart

1221
01:29:37,606 --> 01:29:40,440
to you philistines!

1222
01:29:40,442 --> 01:29:43,443
And I think it's beautiful.

1223
01:29:43,445 --> 01:29:44,845
Let him read.

1224
01:29:44,847 --> 01:29:46,847
No.

1225
01:29:50,852 --> 01:29:54,588
I may be 15,

1226
01:29:54,590 --> 01:29:56,690
but you're an asshole.

1227
01:29:56,692 --> 01:29:59,092
I'll be 16 in a few months.

1228
01:30:04,031 --> 01:30:08,168
All right, everybody,
that is my fault.

1229
01:30:08,170 --> 01:30:10,537
I'm the one who broke the rules.

1230
01:30:10,539 --> 01:30:12,005
Don't blame him.

1231
01:30:17,044 --> 01:30:21,815
So you're not...
Mad at me anymore, right?

1232
01:30:21,817 --> 01:30:25,852
I'd only be mad if you stopped
writing because of this.

1233
01:30:25,854 --> 01:30:29,089
Me? No.
I've got my body armor on.

1234
01:30:32,994 --> 01:30:36,062
Hey, I love you, too.

1235
01:30:38,933 --> 01:30:40,834
Well, duh.

1236
01:30:46,974 --> 01:30:48,475
I gotta tell you something.

1237
01:30:48,477 --> 01:30:52,779
I think I may be a lesbian.

1238
01:30:52,781 --> 01:30:55,015
The way I figure it...

1239
01:30:55,017 --> 01:30:57,017
If I'm lesbian and you're gay,

1240
01:30:57,019 --> 01:30:58,485
then we can be a gay couple,

1241
01:30:58,487 --> 01:31:00,487
and it sort of cancels
each other out.

1242
01:31:00,489 --> 01:31:03,557
Cause I'm more mannish
and you're like a girl.

1243
01:31:03,559 --> 01:31:07,027
Wait, what...
I'm like a girl?

1244
01:31:46,968 --> 01:31:48,768
I'm sorry, Neil.

1245
01:31:48,770 --> 01:31:50,103
I'm sorry I said you were gay.

1246
01:31:50,105 --> 01:31:51,137
I don't know why I said that.

1247
01:31:51,139 --> 01:31:53,073
I don't care what you are.

1248
01:31:53,075 --> 01:31:58,745
That's the only thing
that I don't care about.

1249
01:31:58,747 --> 01:32:04,584
I told them you were 16.

1250
01:32:04,586 --> 01:32:06,920
What?

1251
01:32:06,922 --> 01:32:09,756
I'm the reason you didn't
get into the live read.

1252
01:32:09,758 --> 01:32:11,558
It was my fault.

1253
01:32:11,560 --> 01:32:13,860
It was down to you and me,

1254
01:32:13,862 --> 01:32:16,563
and I told them that I was 18,

1255
01:32:16,565 --> 01:32:22,002
and you were 16.

1256
01:32:22,004 --> 01:32:25,138
That editor, Ronnie,
loves your writing.

1257
01:32:25,140 --> 01:32:29,175
It's not about that.
It never was,

1258
01:32:29,177 --> 01:32:34,014
so you have to keep writing.

1259
01:32:34,016 --> 01:32:37,951
I thought you didn't care
about the reading.

1260
01:32:37,953 --> 01:32:41,988
I'm sorry.

1261
01:32:41,990 --> 01:32:45,892
Yeah.

1262
01:32:59,206 --> 01:33:01,241
I really do love you.

1263
01:33:20,294 --> 01:33:25,999
It's not so crazy
they believed you were 18.

1264
01:33:26,001 --> 01:33:27,867
You do look older now.

1265
01:33:53,160 --> 01:33:54,327
Jesus!

1266
01:33:54,329 --> 01:33:56,062
Mom knows you stayed with her.

1267
01:33:56,064 --> 01:33:57,330
What?

1268
01:33:57,332 --> 01:33:59,766
- Mom's around?
- Mm-hmm.

1269
01:33:59,768 --> 01:34:02,035
- How bad is it?
- It's bad.

1270
01:34:02,037 --> 01:34:04,904
Dad took a bullet for you.
That girl's mom called.

1271
01:34:04,906 --> 01:34:08,675
Did you guys steal
her credit card?

1272
01:34:08,677 --> 01:34:11,277
I hope you lost your cherry,
Neily Bopper.

1273
01:34:11,279 --> 01:34:12,846
'Cause from the sound of it,

1274
01:34:12,848 --> 01:34:15,682
you might not be seeing
much of her for a while.

1275
01:35:20,948 --> 01:35:23,116
Let me see that.

1276
01:35:23,118 --> 01:35:24,918
What, do you think I'm too dumb?

1277
01:35:33,127 --> 01:35:35,228
Don't worry, man,
she'll come around.

1278
01:35:48,275 --> 01:35:49,876
Seasons end,

1279
01:35:49,878 --> 01:35:52,479
even on Milliarcha v,
where nuclear winter

1280
01:35:52,481 --> 01:35:55,415
was slowly giving way
to bright spring.

1281
01:36:01,388 --> 01:36:06,126
Vanguard felt it. And he knew his
own season was now at a close.

1282
01:36:06,128 --> 01:36:09,529
Be it burial in
the cold vacuum of space,

1283
01:36:09,531 --> 01:36:12,832
or a quaint domestic cabin
on the frontier's rim,

1284
01:36:12,834 --> 01:36:14,501
everyone retires.

1285
01:36:14,503 --> 01:36:18,938
Things, people... Come
into your life suddenly,

1286
01:36:18,940 --> 01:36:21,441
and then are just
as suddenly gone.

1287
01:36:21,443 --> 01:36:23,910
But their season shapes you.

1288
01:36:23,912 --> 01:36:26,813
Makes you dare things you
hadn't previously even dreamt.

1289
01:36:33,554 --> 01:36:39,125
And for that, and for my
friend, this author is happy.